REAL FRIENDS????

i feel like mi friends arent real friends

this is bc i always have to follow my friend i talk to my friends i search my friends but if i dont do those things nobody talks to me, i feel alone.

i have 3 bestfriends and none of them talks to me unless i talk to them first idk why they dont talk to me first i left friends bc of them and i dont talk to people THEY DONT LIKE i mean i am not saying this bc i think they owed me something i am saying this bc if i can do those things why they dont talk to me first, i feel like its simple 

but listen at first i think that they dont talk to people first but later i realize that its only with me. they talk to each other, they talk with his other friends but they dont talk to ME

i know that i am a boring person i dont do much things i mean i draw,i exercise myself,i customise my clothes and i study, i dont have a lot of things in common with them but i am triying to be funny, to be a clown for them, to be something they like.

i make them laught but the things i say doesnt feel like myself, the boring part of me feel like myself

and i want to go out, to forest, to do graffiti or only walk and talk but when i say to them "lets go out none of them can go" and sometime it is for valid reasons but other times it is just excuses

idk if i am over thinking it to much.