HBD TO ME! 

 ✮ 20 years on this earth ✮ 

 I am confused. Well, not exactly confused, but I have that feeling in the stomach that appears when you don't know what to do. It is a weird emptiness. I don't know how to explain it. But yeah. It is there. It is my first birthday where I celebrate completely without my family. Completely in another country that isn't where I was born. I mean, it might not be that big of a deal either. Maybe the emptiness of leaving the 'teenage' years and entering my 20s completely away from my family scares me a little. Maybe it scares me more because I am away, and I decided to be away. Maybe it terrifies me because I am freezing here, and it is not what I am used to. Maybe it makes me sad. Well, not “maybe”; it makes me sad. Mostly because they will not be there to say good morning and give me a hug when I wake up. And I won't hear their voices giggling before entering my room to wake me up and wish me the best. And maybe, and just maybe, on days like this, I regret leaving; I regret deciding that I wanted to study abroad; I regret searching for a better future. Because, what is a better future if I am the only one getting it? What is a better future if they aren't part of it?

My birthdays always have that nostalgic and longing feeling around them. But this is a little too much for me, and that is okay. I have wonderful friends that will be there and will give me a hug or two to keep me up. I want to say I am happy about being one year more on this world, and although it is true, I can't help but feel scared of leaving behind my adolescence. And I question myself: why? Why does it scare me this much? Why do I feel like I can't move? Why do I feel that, even if I am moving forward with my life, I am staying behind? 

And I know. I know how to be grateful because I have the opportunity to pursue my studies. And I know how to be grateful that I even have someone to celebrate with. But I have always been a home person, and being so away just makes me a sentimental mess. 

With nothing much more to say, I am happy to be on this earth. I am happy to feel, to think, and to exist. But most importantly, happy birthday to me! (I write this so I can wake up tomorrow and feel congratulated).

Well, if you got until here, thank you a lot. I must say I really want to write more, maybe about my studies or things I learn. I have been having in mind to write about the youth and its glorification, as well as the crippling fear about growing up. But I need to inform myself more on that, and I haven't had time recently. Although I will probably try and write more blogs in here. So...

... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING TILL HERE!

Have a nice day, a nice week, and a nice life,

— With love, someone who is definitely not an alien (Len)