isolation

It's been a MINUTE since I've been on here.I'm just gonna vent because idc anymore.  I just feel really alone. School sucked all semester. I suppose that's to be expected as a junior, but it was still awful. More than anything I've felt so completely and totally alone. I found out all my "friends" have been talking shit about me for month, and I don't think they know I know so I've just been isolating myself. One of them told me about it and apologized, but she's still friends with the main people who always talk about me. And one by one many of them have revealed to me that they don't even like her anymore (the girl who talks about me constantly) and at first this was comforting, but the more I thought about it the more it saddened me. Y'all don't even value her friendship but you still don't like me enough to say anything. It's fine I just don't really talk to them anymore. This has led to me sitting alone a lot and just being generally sad. I'm not really good at being alone or like a naturally distant person I feel like it's in my DNA to be hella social but fall semester was not that for me and I have a feelinf this year won't be either. I also feel really awkward and stiff even when I'm talking to people outside that group/circle and I feel like everyone is judging me all the time and it just ends up being awkward. I still have a best friend, but we only have 2 classes with her and we can never hang out during lunches or flexible schedule times because she has to hang out with her bf whenever theres and option on where to be and I get it but I am just alone all day every day. I'm just starting to really hate my life. School work has also been really hard and I am really behind on applications and stuff. I just hope this semester will be better but I know it won't. It's close enough now ig I can just look forward to college. I want to go to a big college i will not suffer through another small school.