afraid of my true self

I fear that I’m a different person than I thought I was. Almost like I’m actually meant to be alone, and that I will be alone forever. 

There’s this other version of me, who’s supposed to have friends, who laughs, who gets everything she ever wanted and more. But then she disappears, and I’m left with this alone person.

 I find myself getting excited about things, and then the fear would come back. Like that is my “true” self and the other version was never real.

I get mad at myself enough that it feels like I’m already doing the work that needs to be done in terms of punishing myself. Which is why I think I might be my own worst enemy.