Sy - On Style and Aesthetics

So, fun fact about me, I grew up with a mom who was trad goth! I have pictures of her from back in the day when goth styles were just starting to get popular with her hair all teased and her makeup all dark. I don't admire her or aspire to be like her, but the reason for that is a story for another time and is unimportant for this particular blog entry. Anyways, before I stopped living with her at some point between when I was six and eight, I was surrounded by dark aesthetics. She was still goth until the moment she died.

Up until now, I haven't really had my own money, so I needed to rely on my grandparents for all my clothes. The only thing about my grandparents is that they really didn't like alternative styles. At all. When I first showed an interest in dressing more dark back when I was a tween, they did not approve and wouldn't let me. But now I have more than enough money because I got a sweet scholarship and I'm going to school in my hometown, so I have money enough to try out different clothing styles. Boy are clothes expensive nowadays!

Anyways, I'm currently trying to find what exactly my aesthetic even is. Truth be told, I have a deep admiration for all alternative subcultures and I have since I first gained access to the internet. But... None of them feel like they're really me. I have punk ideals, wearing lots of accessories overstimulates me, my executive dysfunction prevents me from doing makeup most days, I have no idea what I want to do with my hair... And the worst thing is, I absolutely adore the clothing of basically all alternative subcultures!! They all look so cool, how is someone meant to pick just one to stick with? I could have clothes from each subculture, sure, but then my closet would be so full I don't think I'd be able to decide what to wear! It's almost ironic, alternative styles are supposed to be all about freedom of expression, but sometimes they themselves can feel quite restrictive.

I know there are certain elements of fashion that I've always admired and wanted to wear, but they don't fit into any one aesthetic. I love big dramatic shoes (more specifically leather boots, demonias my beloved), statement earrings, baggy oversized clothes, fun socks, lots of spikes, big poofy dresses, big fluffy hair, DIYed clothes with a bunch of random kitschy stuff on them... The bigger and more dramatic, the better! I've resigned that I'm probably never going to fit into any one clothing style... And you know what? I think that's perfectly fine! I'm good to live under the general umbrella of 'alternative'. Who says I have to dress a certain way or l have to listen to x y and z artists? I don't! This is my life and I'm allowed to define myself however I damn well please! If I wanna mix punk and emo and goth and scene and kidcore and even some normie fashion, I'm allowed to! Even if I don't quite fit in, even if there's people out there who'll judge me for not performing a particular aesthetic well enough, I'll still look cool dressing however I do. I am super cool because I am myself! That's enough for me.

Talk to ya later posers,

Sy