Looking for "alt" clothes when you live in the wrong place

Lately i’ve been thinking a lot about style, especially the kind i’m drawn to. i really love heisei retro / juminocore — that slightly nostalgic, layered, almost cinematic alt vibe that feels both soft and edgy at the same time. it’s the kind of style that looks effortless but actually says a lot. the problem is… actually finding clothes like that where i live is hard.

i’m from italy, and i know people always imagine it as this fashion paradise, but honestly… if you’re into "alternative" fashion (i am not sure if this style is considered alt plz don't kill me), it’s not that easy. i don’t have many thrift stores near me, and the ones that exist are super small or full of very basic stuff. nothing wrong with that, but it’s not really what i’m looking for.

i also really don’t want to order from places like temu, shein, or similar fast-fashion sites. i know they’re cheap and easy, but they just don’t sit right with me — quality, ethics, originality… it all feels off. i want clothes that actually mean something, not just trends that disappear in a week.

right now my style is very very basic streetwear. hoodies, jeans, simple tops (when i feel brave). it’s comfortable, but it doesn’t really express what i wish i looked like. in my head, my style is way more alt — maybe layered, a bit messy, more expressive. i wish i dressed more like the people i see online, the ones who look like they walked out of a pinterest post.

at the same time, i’ll be honest: i feel a little insecure about my body. some bullying i went through really stuck with me, and even now it makes me overthink how clothes look on me. sometimes i’m scared that if i dress the way i want, people will judge me even more. i don’t want to look “wrong” or feel like everyone’s staring.

i’m also afraid of looking like a poser. like i’m pretending to be alt without “earning it” somehow, which is a stupid thought, but it’s there. i don’t want to wear something just because it looks cool — i want it to feel genuine, like it actually represents me and not a costume.

i’m gonna put some photos here of the style i wish i had. not because i want to copy anyone exactly, but because that’s the direction i want to go in. maybe this is just the beginning, maybe i’ll slowly build it piece by piece. for now, this post is just me saying: i’m searching. for clothes, for confidence, for a version of myself that feels more real.

(if you’re reading this and you get it, you get it.)

i know this style doesn’t really match my love for horror stuff — the dark movies, creepy aesthetics, all of that — but somehow it still fits. maybe it’s the contrast, or maybe it’s just another side of me. either way, it feels right.