2026-01-04

Greetings wasianators ♪

So... my siblings went back to their homes today. Had a lil` night owl moment and ended up falling asleep in the morning and completely slept through my siblings & parents going out for breakfast and lunch ;_; perhaps I was too busy relishing in the xmas spirit? That`s okay though coz I ate almost an entire tin of royal dansk cookies! Yummm :D

I eventually woke up and talked about random things with everyone such as moments we realized someone we thought highly of wasn`t who we thought they were. My family and I tend to do that a lot... just having long discussions about different things. That`s part of our definition of what it means to spend time together so maybe that`s what matters most <3

Eventually the time for them to leave for the airport came and we all said our goodbyes before they were on their merry way back to their home states :( was kinda sad which surprised me coz I usually dread socializing but this year showed it in a different/more positive light :) then mom and I watched this tubi show called when holidays go horribly wrong and it`s basically about vacations (they call them "holidays" in the UK) that... well... go horribly wrong LOL. We sat through 4 of the segments before we got bored and went to our rooms but two of them were funny and the other two were serious. One of them was about a man who visited las vegas and used his son`s camera to document his trip but guess what... the camera was facing him the entire time!! Like he meant to show the viewer what he was seeing along w/ commentary but all you can see is him talking XD and he didn`t even realize it until he returned home and his son showed him what he actually recorded (>_<)

A few hours passed and I returned downstairs to see my parents basically debriefing the weekend with the entire family over. I sat and listened and it was fun just talking to them especially bcz I'm kinda shy irl and tend to "hibernate" as mom likes to call it (=_=) I actually went downstairs with the intention of feeling proud of myself for even choosing to go downstairs and socialize w/ them instead of staying on my laptop per usual :] after some more debriefing I was walking towards the stairs to go back to my room and dad called me over out of nowhere (O_O) I wasn`t sure what to expect coz I didn`t know if I was about to get in trouble or something but I was actually surprised to hear him thanking me for spending time with them and my siblings instead of locking myself in my room like I typically do. Even now I`m still thinking about it bcz it made me realize how much of an impact the actions I percieve as normal can strain the relationships I have w/ other ppl :(

I hope that in 11 months from now I can look back on my current self and be proud of how far I`ve come socially :] I don`t expect myself to be like super extroverted or anything (that`ll probably never happen) but I do have moments where I`m disappointed in myself for my hikikomori tendencies. A lot of it comes from my social anxiety/hypervigilance and I feel my chest start to hurt a little when I`m in public or in any situation that requires me to socialize with others. I just have to remind myself that healing or whatever you wanna call it isn`t linear and some days you`ll feel so motivated and believe you`re making progress very quickly and then days where you question what the point of putting in effort is if it`s not your desired outcome or doesn`t come to you as quick as you wish it would. Patience is a virtue ☘︎

Peace~~~