just have no hope for the future [tw // yada yada, edgy depression rants]

i just want to talk to someone, make connections but i just dont have any hope anymore, everyone is just such a fucking asshole and such-  i trust no one anymore, i struggle with interactions because i am weird and eccentric.

my best friend doesn't write me anymore, i think she just deosn't care but i still care about her.

she knows me best, we have known eachother since over a decade. but i don't think she cares anymore. it's understandable though.

highkey can't do this anymore, i am probably gonna die early with my stupid addictions. my brain isn't shutting up.

i want to live normal again, but i can't do that anymore.

how do people live. i get sick at the thought of going outside.

i am just feeling sick, awful and like an ugly fucking pig. no one takes me serious because i am always cracking jokes and such. i don't practice hygiene anymore. i am genuinely just so fucking done. why do my parents bother? i need medication to go outside or else i'll probably just vomit from anxiety.

i think my parents should just begin writing my obituary.

i dont wanna live anymore, i hate my fucking life.

i have been just bedrotting, my hair is matted. i feel like a living biological hazard.

i think my parents are right, i am probably going to get obese from my binging and laziness. i dont know what to do anymore.