Why can't everything be alright

I wonder if there really is something for me in this life. I keep trying to do something good like art and music and I even tried writing but none of that fills the giant hole I have in me. It feels like theres absolutley nothin within my chest. All I ever wanted was to feel like I am special and mean something. I figured that if I cannot be loved then I could get my love by achieving something, but that never happens. No matter how much I do, no matter how much I suffer it's all in vain. 

I'm truly scared for my future, knowing that it just keeps getting worse. Latley my depression has been getting worse. I keep trying to be a good and useful person; I keep goingto schoo, work, crate music and sometimes draw, but I can feel myself get weaker everyday. I no longer feel any sense of joy, everyday feels like a battle. I just don't know what to do anymore. Often times I wish to go to sleep and never wake up again beacuse everyday tasks feel impossible. 

I'm constantly tired, angry, sad and it's destroying me. I cannot sleep and I don't even want to keep taking my medications beacuse it all feels so pointless. 

I wish to actually mean something and not be forgotten.