Academically slow

Growing up I've never really cared much about my education, I had a childhood stress-free not because my parents neglected my education but because  they never really had time to properly give me opportunities others had, as an upper-lower class they had to find ways to put food on our table and to make up for it they gave me everything I asked for that didn't require money such as making me toys that're popular among kids here in the Philippines. 

As an only child my mistakes were always overlooked, they'd have a reaction but as one mistake slowly grow worse they also slowly given up on me. Because of that I slowly started to have a mindset that education didn't matter as long as I pass. I started valuing my time with friends more than my education and now I realize the time I spent fooling around could've been used to improve my academic excellence. 

Why am I writing this? I am envious of people that are able to have a life but still excel effortlessly on academics, to be specific I am not one to easily be plagued with society's "perfect child" there's just this one girl I can't help but be envious of, that girl being my ex from four years ago, we have a complex relationship until now and I still see her as my idol and whenever we're on contact I can't help but feel embarrassed with my academic standing at school especially because we go to the same school. She's the only person I ever felt like impressing, however, because I am academically slow I find it hard to catch up to her.

I am in regret.