My home the mental home

I toppled out of the car when we arrived, Mrs police checked the seat to make sure I didn’t bring anything i wasn't supposed to. We walk in and the first thing I hear is this awful wailing, someone trapped in their own head, begging to be saved. I sat in the seat and I thought, I don't belong here, I almost laughed. I'm not crazy, I need to get home. She saw me, she was embarrassed that I was there, she didn't want me to see her like that. I've felt that before, at the 7 eleven. All those kids watching me probably thought i was crazy too. This girl walked in and her eyes were bloodshot, she was holding a can of some drink. I remember the nurse laughed at her, something about how she was celebrating the new year instead of sleeping. I later found out she had attempted to take her life. I sit down, this girl is hunched over in her wheelchair like a ghost. The whole time i couldn't stop staring at her, she was holding a pillow. She didn't need the wheelchair she could walk fine. It was so strange, the longer I was there the more i felt I was meant to be there. I make impulsive choices and I can't stop myself, I want to end my life at least once a week and I don't trust myself not to. Last night I convinced myself the neighbours were shadows watching me from their house, trying to get into my skin. I'm too scared to look now. I don't feel hungry, I don't ever want to eat again. Every time I laugh or i joke im conscious of it because I don't really mean it. It's just something I do because I'm not crazy. Maybe that's what she said to herself too, and then she blinked and there were about 6 nurses pinning her down.