1/3/26

so this morning me and nic called and watched the end of Cyberpunk Edgerunners :) thank god for that because i was genuinely starting to think he HATED me. like no replies on tiktok no replies on discord no replies on overwatch hello chat am I muted??? but he did come back. maybe I should just stop relying on him for my happiness?? ever thought of that, dumbass?? seems promising

I cried at the end of the last episode and it's literally so hard to get me to cry unless it's like, a depressive spiral haha but errrmm. anyway. so yeah I cried and fuck nic for putting me onto this show genuinely wtf

the brainfog is sooo bad rn like, I keep forgetting wtf I was just thinking, i've tried to search up something on tiktok multiple times and by the time i get to the search bar (like .5 seconds) i just immediately forget what i was doing. hello am I going insane. yes. thx. but it's not THAT bad like I can still think and stuff but whenever people talk to me i can't form a thought so I can't talk to them back and it makes me feel so bad

earlier i was thinking of this guy (ASSHOLE) who i kinda had a crush on at the start of the school year and I was telling him about this shirt or dress or something that i had on at the time, and i had thrifted it from like goodwill or something and I was so proud of my find because it was genuinely such a good piece, iirc it was my fav dress that I was wearing, and this MALE had the audacity to look disgusted at me.

then like a week later he asked me if i wanted to come dumpster diving with him and his family. like uh um ew??? no i don't want to go dumpster diving with you???? YOU THINK IT'S GROSS TO GO THRIFTING BUT NOT DUMPSTER DIVING???

idk if i already wrote about that but it comes back to me every few weeks and I just get so mad because what do you mean. what do you mean.

I'm still like 80% sure that nic has hoes that he talks to. IDK WHY. it's just in the back of my mind literally everyday. im just??? i can't even describe it I don't know why i feel like that but that's how I feel and fuck off leave me alone

I think earlier in the morning I was gonna stream before nic started streaming his own on netflix for cyberpunk edgerunners (i just tried to turn that into an acronym don't. don't do that.) and he was like, "STOP I don't want to see your eboys" cause I had my discord open I DON'T HAVE EBOYS. why would he think that ?????? why would he think that other than projection. actually. so obviously this means he has egirls on the side. someone shoot me we're not even officially together yet

I remember after the call I was thinking about it and I was like, "oh u don't want to go through my messages??????? so you don't want to because that means you'll have to show me yours. okokok. cool."

It was the strangest thing today, I'm always cold, but when nic and I were calling, I wasn't cold anymore