im getting exspelled from my community college

I'm not sure expelled is the right word but I'm defiantly going to be "kicked out".

I should explain I'm a junior in high school but also taking dual enrollment classes at my local shitty community college. I was supposed to drop some high school classes, but the school fucking sucks so I couldn't. it's probably for the better for reasons I'm going to state later. I was originally doing 3 college classes but dropped out of math because pre calc algebra is a bitch. I'm also taking 2 AP classes.

there's really no other way to look at it: I've been incredibly depressed this pass year (I'm suspect its actually crossed into manic depression). and it doesn't help I've slacked off in microecom. I was supposed to register for my spring classes, and I thought I did, but I didn't. I only planned them, which are different. i talked to the school and was told I could still get those classes if I filled out a form. so, i did that and have yet to hear back about that. I was supposed to start on the 6th [I just realized that's on epiphany. how odd]. 

these past 2 weeks of break have been the longest I've been actually happy all year. not to get into anything too personal in this blog but the 2025 has been really terrible for me, especially the summer. the only thing that managed to make me happy was thinking about starting college, and I've fucked that up too. 

I've been putting off doing anything school related these pass 2 weeks. didn't want to ruin my mood. but tonight, I read my school emails, and my college GPA is below 2. I have to pull my grade up or else I can't take classes there anymore, but I can't pull my grade up because I can't take any classes this semester. 

then i just realized something: my high school grades are mediocre at best and I have no friends, so winter guard is all i have. my one lifeline in the escalatingly flooding waters that is my life. I don't even like it that much. it's kind of humiliating if I'm being honest. but it's the only thing I've got going for me. the only thing i do that matters. i honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have something, anything that tells me I'm not wasting my life away (not completely at least.)

i have a feeling no one's going to read this, not now at least. which is fine. I'm not of any importance at the moment. but for those who are reading this and is wondering what I'll do to make sure I'm not expelled, I'll beg and explain myself to whoever I have to and make myself look pathetic (something I'm very good at) and if I'm given a chance then good, if not then at least I'll still have winter guard. 

for tonight though, i have to look at the drill again. I have practice tomorrow and to run by the drill again before.

thank you to anyone who's made it this far.