I'm so fake

I feel like I was doing so well being happy and loving my life, but I thought wrong. 

I just can't deal with the disappointment of being born a girl, and not feeling like one. It's not even that I dress like a boy. I dress as girly as I can and wear makeup a lot, and yet I'm still seen as boyish. I would grow out my hair, but cutting it is my way to cope with stress and I hate the texture of hair, I want to buzz it all off. I also feel so uncomfortable in my skin, and I don't like the fabric of my clothes and I feel horrible. 

I want to be a boy but I don't want to be a girl disguised as a boy, I just wish I was born as a boy. But I feel like even wanting this is fake, because I don't want it for the right reasons. I hate being seen as weak because of my gender, and I hate the unfairness of it. 

My parents treat me differently because I'm a girl, and favorite my brothers. They don't care about me getting educated, one wrong move and they'll pull me out of school, find a husband for me so I become a hard working and obedient housewife who has no thoughts or feelings.

Aaahfshjfsh I just feel like a fake girl, but at the same time I feel like a fake boy.

I rarely feel like this, so I'll take this down once I feel better.