the difference between being exluded and excluding yourself - a rant

"Nobody is coming to save you. Get up."

to start i like to derail so allow me. also its important to step into other peoples shoes in order to fully experience empathy:slight_smile: okay to FOR REALSIES start i used to have a HUUUGE problem with accidentally exluding myself which is something i didnt realize i was doing until i....woke up or smth (me doing exposure therapy on myself). this was a problem that i personally had around 2022-2023 until i realized i wasnt actually being exluded and rather exluding myself from situations. i feel it was a tactic to sit in my own sorrow instead of actually getting up because nobody else was going to do that for me....except myself. just know that this is coming from someone that has been exluded pretty much most of my life but more recently got over myself and stood up.

there are definitely great ties to being socially anxious and being excluded, but some OR MOST times people dont realize that they are exluding themselves. i do NOOTTTT mean to make this post to tell everyone in the world that they arent actually being excluded and that its their fault, but that sometimes its best to step into others peoples shoes instead of jumping to conclusions. self exclusion is self sabotage in a way. i see different points that people make like how they may have to exlude themselves before anyone else excludes them, which seems miserable, and unfortunately it is. its important to either explain your feelings or include yourself, otherwise its a hellish cycle of feeling unwanted for no reason at all. for the most part im saying that if you are avoidant, you are making your life worse.

some people may think that a good approach to something would be that if they dont like something, they're completely out of the situation. if they don't want to see someone, they're done with it completely. a response like this, to an extent of course, is negative. ignoring and avoiding other people also means that you are avoiding yourself. instead of reflecting and making decisions, people tend to avoid the situation by leaving it completely behind them or agreeing with someone else in order to not have to go through the struggle of talking through it.

i remember having this one friend back in 2022 that would purposely stop talking all together when in a group setting EVEN THOUGH they tended to be a more social and interactive person. i noticed their behavior changing and they explained to me that they were WAITING for someone to care about them and talk to them. like at this point lets be serious. yaknow those situations where your friend leaves a group chat and says some dumb shit like "guys...DONT ADD ME BACK PERIOD!!" and then some suck up apologizes and adds them back. THIS is always what it reminds me of. i totally understand wanting to be looked after like that but after this situation i never had to question why she always felt bad. makeiyla if you're reading this i wholeheartedly believe it was your fault. ANYWAY

BEING exluded is when you have people around you that purposely make plans without you, ignore you, leave you in the dust, etc. i can totally say this is the worst feeling ever and its so hard to get out of this situation because you're already doing bad emotionally at this point.

already derailing but i swear i can tie this all together. okay so u knooooww how being socially anxious and being exluded can be connected??!?? im going to make a most-likely shallow take but i think that people are thinking about themselves too much when they self depricate. not to be that person but self deprication comes with being self centered at times and i feel that some people need to pay attention to how being at your worst leaves you terribly self centered. unfortunately. its unhealthy to think of yourself as though you dont matter enough to hate (of course) which is why i think people genuinely think of themselves too much. ignorance is bliss and if you aren't up to faking it until you make it.....then wheres your bliss?

MY POINT. is that to think less negatively about yourself makes you less self centered. people think low of themselves to the point where they seek external validation. NONE of this makes anyone a bad person, but it's important to recognize that these terrible thoughts definitely do impact everyone. self-centered...ness is not always inwards, but also outwards. nobody thinks of themself more than someone that hates themself which makes self hatred egotistical in a way. 

like and subscribe this totally made me use my fat healthy brain