To fall in love again

To hear his voice is enough to calm the most volcanically active parts of my soul. I can’t help but to cry sometimes at the thought that he’s truly all mine. The love I have for him goes beyond what I could’ve originally thought. I don’t want to get tired of feeling this, I want the anxiety and fear to all go away. I want to lay in his arms every night. I wanna kiss him and hold him, I want him to know he’s everything to me and we haven’t even been together for a whole month yet. 

Simply put, it’s embarrassing to say really. To cry over a video of him showing me how tight his shirt is on him. Though I can’t help but to feel a tightness in my chest, I can’t help but let the tears fall because I’m truly and honestly so deeply in love.

His face is beautiful to me, his voice is like a music box that I listen to on repeat to fall asleep, his eyes are so expressive as sweet. He’s as perfect as I hoped he’d be and better than anything I could even dream of. Why would I want anything else. Why would I even think about anyone else that’s not him. 

To give my heart to another is utterly insane let alone to give my love and attention to anyone else. I can’t even imagine. How much I love him now, it scares me honestly. I’m still scared he’s gonna hurt me, the pain is still there. I’m scared he’s gonna leave again, he’s gonna hurt me again, he’s gonna do something behind my back and take advantage of me in someway. I’m so scared but he’s just so perfect. I wanna hide my fear, shove it so deep down I don’t even feel it anymore. Though I can’t help it.

I’m in love. I’m the most vulnerable and scared I’ve been in years and I can’t help it. I’m scared to fall out of love, I’m scared to fall in love ANYMORE than I am right now. Already at 5am I’m crying over a stupid ass video of him flexing while he’s asleep. I’m scared. What if it ends. What if..