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Category: Life

Reflection

Tonight I'm kinda reflecting on my journey.  It's been a tough few years and I've learned a lot about myself.  My personality has changed drastically. My viewpoints have been shifted.  My tolerance for crap is none now.  My weakness is that when I've started improving myself, when I started getting better, the further I set myself on this journey, the more I isolate myself from my old friends.  I've dropped off the face of the earth to many of my friends.  For that, I am sorry. Tonight, I'm trying to reflect on why I do this.

Many people that are on similar paths as mine, a journey of self love, growth, and discovery, feel the same symptoms.  They isolate from friends and family because they're either toxic or don't quite understand them.  I feel that my old friends wouldn't understand me.  They met, knew and understood the old me.  However, they wouldn't understand the new me.

I let an old high school friend back into my life a few months ago.  At the time, I felt that it was time that I stop isolating myself and talk to my old friends.  They were worried about me, especially since there's a pandemic.  So I talked to him for a bit.  It was nice hearing and talking to someone that knows me...but as I kept talking to him, he doesn't know me anymore...he knew me.  The old me.  He kept bringing up the past and some high school memories that have been wiped from my mind.  My heart couldn't handle it.  The pain from the past.  I withdrew back into isolation.

A couple months later, another high school friend reached out.  I came out of isolation once more.  Again, at first it was nice to talk to someone that knows me, but again, there was that feeling that no one understands me once again. 

So my friends who are finding me again...I'm sorry. Please be patient with me.  Please understand that I need my platform to express who I am. Please just call me by this name.  Miru. I am now Miru.


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