im impossible dude...

I really wanna have a girlfriend or boyfriend  but I don't at the same time i'm just scared of relationships because i'm so picky they are exhausting and i know they wont last because i'm young i have kinda high standards I want someone same age music style and opinions and its so exhausting because all i do is focus on them and i buy them stuff and kinda obsess and forget about others i'm scared they will find me clingy and its so hard to find people same age/music/style as me where i live i have one person like that and i love her as a son and shes straight and i hate how relationships always ruin friendships weather the person u like doesn't like u and thinks its weird that u like em or your friends in a relationship and they forget you exist it always ruins stuff im so jealous of my friends that has a bf/gf and they always say "I LOVE YOU AAHHHH <33" i always say i don't want relationships and how much i think its weird but i think i'm just saying that to forget how desprite i am and it sucks but i think ima just try to ignore my feelings because i dont want to