sunday, jan. 2 - 2:23 am

i'm screaming your name. i'm begging for your return. i don't know where you are - you're late - and i’ve been sitting here waiting for hours. your phone is off or dead and i guess i feel the same way. how easy it would be to walk down to the lake. how easy it would be to let myself sink all the way to the bottom.

lying against the silt - the seaweed the algae the wet - i'm staring up at the sky. i can't quite see the stars. blurry vision. seeing double. deep breaths. i call out for you again - words stuck in my throat again.

caffeine nicotine and so much more nicotine

focus fades and so do i.