Accepting I am a Lesbian after years of struggle :)

I’ve always been aware that i am a lesbian even when i tried to label myself as bi, does that sound strange? Let me explain that.

I never thought men were incredible, or admirable. I think they are, what’s the word? Normal? Nothing else? Just humans?

I can’t describe the desire, the love, the admiration, EVERYTHING i feel for women. They are amazing in every single aspect of their being. And being with one just feels right. You know?

Recently, I’ve put myself into a dark situation: dated a boy. How so? I believed being Bi, only confused about my own sexuality. “So, what about trying something?” I thought to myself. Well, it got to a point where everything was disgusting.

His kisses, his hugs. I felt like a toy, all the time, for all reasons. He wasn’t good too, had a lack of personality and not only that, a lack of being a good person. But the end of the story is: I blame myself every single day.

I had to put sooo much energy into that, into trying to be a good girlfriend, into hearing, helping. I was a full babysitter, mother and sister. It was disgusting for me. I always hated that and putting myself into that situation and hearing what he thought about it? About how i was silenced all the time? 

And if you see me in person, you will NOT think for a minute that i like boys. Even on my ways. Even my hand structure. 🕊️

I can talk more about it, and how i feel invisible now. Waiting for some woman to come up to me, so somehow my brain can understand that i am worthy, and that love is not that complicated when you’re not fighting against your own type of love, again and again.

I know how to pass through that can help things out, and it’s good to know i wasn’t wrong in the first place. But it’s still a loong way to go.

I don’t think anyone care, but I’ll probably post more about this :/