Rant / diary entry / i dont know

sometimes I feel like this blog is just my personal diary nobody absolutely fucking nobody reads 💔 idk if that's a good or bad thing. I'm like half depressed and half idk what to do I'm bored I had a really good day yesterday and then I ruined it for myself. ok so I'm getting closer with this guy right and I just got out of a bad breakup (2 month relationship) december 10th. And this guy, Ive been friends with since April. I'm starting to like him. I only was like mutuals with him on Instagram and talked with him on a semi regular basis for a while, and we became friends but not like close close or anything. we live in the same town, (and actually on the same block but we didn't know until much later.) but beside from that, we only met in person at my birthday party, which was December 6th. currently, the 28th. hes been dating this girl for I think a couple months, and he said she was being distant from him and he thinks she might break up with him and this was right before christmas. we talk everyday now, and pretty often and got a lot closer ever since my breakup. we have hung out twice alone, and called/facetimed twice. we talk about everyday over text but it's usually still kinda awkward to a capacity. still, I try to make conversation with him but I feel like I run out of things to talk about. I really hate that the first things that come to mind to talk about are my exes and I wanna stop doing that with him bc I think it annoys him.. or at least if your gonna be interested in someone you don't wanna be bringing up your ex and having them thing ur still into them or smth.. especially if it's a reoccurring thing and it definitely is for me. anyway, we do have a lot in common. and I like that, but I wanna become closer so we can actually hang out and become better friends (I'm obviously not gonna interfere on his relationship, regardless if I like him or not) - but my friends and even my mom thinks he likes me. I feel like he shows signs that he does, and had before ever being in the relationship. (maybe that's just me being delusional but idc rlly). I promise u I will not act upon it or anything like that, I never found him attractive before this and very clearly would attempt at friendzoning him before he could show any interest anyway. he usually nicknames me as "twin" and I call him my hb. so I mean we are at a plationic point I assure you. We don't go to the same school, but it's the same district so like he knows ppl from my school and is friends with some of them. I don't have many friends from my school, but the ones I do have mutual friends with his friends so idk.. Hes also a grade above me which isn't crazy or anything, Ive only dated guys a grade above me so far. but he will be going to college or whatever so that probably doesn't help. uhh aside from that, yesterday, we hung out and were shoveling snow together (similar to last time we hung out) but we were way more comfortable with each other. we had this huge snowball fight, and built a snowman together. he pushed me in the snow and kept high fiving me and gave me a hug and everything - but we genuinely had a blast together just "playing in the snow" and he acts kinda as if he likes me and then he said "Ill call you later" and he did, when we were hanging out we couldn't stop laughing and we had a great time clearly it wasn't even awkward. over the call, we didn't talk about much but we mostly had a decent conversation and a lot of comfortable silence as he played his video game and I was drawing, we were on call for like 2 hours. and previously to that, we had only hung out once alone and it was nice but kinda awkward and face timed once and it was little awkward but overall good and he would just be staring at me and smiling so it kinda made me feel like he could like me a little?? I haven't gotten any updates on his gf and I'm too scared to ask, but after that I found her account and saw what she looks like and she is pretty so I'm like ahhh I feel really guilty for liking him and he's in my league but like idk that I'd even have a chance and I'm not making any moves obviously but I just feel kinda pathetic to like someone with a gf.💔 we have gotten a lot closer recently and more comfortable with each other which I enjoy just as friends, but I feel like a lot of the time we just talk about the same things over and over and I wish I knew what to talk about without like making things awkward. 

if anyone reads this just pls I need advice.