Confessions of a Jamaican Gay Guy #31

The final Hoorah!

So, that was the last full week in 2025. By Thursday it will be 2026, and the start of a new year of my life. The next time I write in this it will be 2026, and I would have been settled into the year. Was 2025 a good year for me? Idk, I can say it opened my eyes to the world around me and made me aware of the steps I need to take to reach my goals and to better plan my life, but I feel like this year was more consuming and giving more than creating. I spent most of my time trying to cater to people that weren't catering to me, and trying to build genuine bonds with people that didn't care about me in that way. I wasn't necessarily surrounding myself with people that didn't like me, I was looking for depth in shallow waters, surrounding myself with people who could only be there for me when there was a fun time that needed to me have or to achieve something of mutual benefit. I spent my time being there for people and overextending myself to people that wouldn't do the same for me. Was I being ignorant sometimes, but most of the time I was just flat out naive. A lot of money was loaned, time was wasted and plans didn't fall through. 

I would say there was some highlights, like my introduction to the sex lives of the gay young adults, and how the gay political scene in Jamaica works, but in the end there wasn't really any change. I wanted to post more this year, but ended the year with a empty instagram, I wanted to work out more and build muscle, but ending the year still a twink, and I wanted to play life more smartly and have more influence, but I end the year still kinda unknown. I'm not a nobody like a use to be, but I realized I need to present myself better and actually work on myself so that I come off as a bad bitch to other people. When you are your best self, people are naturally drawn to you, and I need to achieve that next year. I need to be serving CUNT, high class cunt. I need a plan, a strategy, and full proof one that I force myself to follow at all times. I need to get STRICT with people and most of all, MYSELF. 

I spent the last week mostly just going through the motions of everything that happened this year. It wasn't until I started watching gossip girl was when I fell in love with one of the characters, Blair Waldorf. She is a planner and a schemer, does whatever she needs to get what she wants, and looks good doing it. She is also really strict with the people around her and is strict with herself. Then the other character, Serena is an expert social climber and has great influence on the people around her. I want to be like that, and I will be working on that next year. Also, I realized how important it is for me to social climb so hard this year, and if I'm going to pull off what I need to pull off. 

I went to Ilovesoca on Friday, which was honestly the best way to sum up this year. The party was mid, and me and my friends were in the percentage of people that weren't really having a good time. Plus, I kept getting looks by different guys but nobody ever came up to me to really talk to me, which just pissed me off to the point where I went up to one of them and made my move. Mind u, that nigga has left me on read after I texted him. At the end of the day, fuck these niggas, next year is going to be my redemption year, no matter what life throws at me, I will stay on track and will force myself to, and that is all that matters.

xoxo, Kam