im older now. im falling down the route of my mother.

im an adult now. all broken up and shattered. pieces of my past innocence carelessly tossed about the sidewalk, the pavement, the old house i used to live in, my favourite park at age 15, my series of long gone best friends, and the boys that came after and wrecked me beyond repair. 

its all my own fault in a way. i made the choices rhat led me down this road. im a bit of a shell now, not even my old centipede friends reside in me because well, im not in my home country, and they dont roam in new zealand. 

id do anything to go back. im scared im doomed to repeat my mothers life. taken up by a guy in her 20s. all her old friends lost. yet she's convinced he's the one for her. she wastes away her life in the hope of building a worthwhile one. yet to this day she calls herself her own best friend. and my dad still makes jokes about women and the things she likes. 

please take me back to the past. please. ill make better choices.