it doesn't feel as special as it did when i was a kid (or, a littler one) but, i guess nothing really does. being a little kid just has this all around magic to it, doesn't it? this special quality that gets drained out of your bloodstream with age.
anyway, i made the poor choice of comparing myself at the start of last year to me now -- i look like a ghost. i only recognize that face when it's staring back at me in the mirror; in pictures, i don't know who the fuck that guy is. i miss my long hair, i miss purpose, i miss drive, i miss sleeping enough for it to matter, i miss polished skin and someone loving me enough to notice when my features start to droop, when winter sets in and my chest settles. i miss you.
missyoumissyoumissyou. cotton tail; ramen and, 'did you wash your rice?'. will graham and boba tea, taylor swift. four a.m phone calls -- i miss love. i miss loving someone.
i should go to bed. i'm embarrassing myself. and, i spelled that wrong the first time -- thanks, spell check.
i hope 2022 treats you kindly. i hope it treats us both kindly.
-patch
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