I'm tired of being the biggest pillar in relationships

I feel lonely once again. It's like I had forgotten how awful it feels. Of course I am not that lonely as I was say 6 years ago. I have friends, but they're a train ride away and either way it feels like I'm the biggest pillar that holds up the connections with my friends and maybe even the one friend group I am a part of too.

It hasn't been that long since I had one of the best evenings of my life though. I visited my hometown for a dew days. Most of my time was full of boredom and anxiety due to reasons I am not willing to share here, but that one evening was more than fun with my people. I still organized it all and such, which was to be excpeted as I think it was kind of a surprise for those peeps that I was there at the time. But it's so fucking tiring to always be the one who organizes these hang outs and online gaming sessions and what not. It doesn't really feel like they like me but I like them, you know?

Why can't the rest of them ever ask me to do stuff with them? Am I that tiring and annoying? Am I that bad a person or a friend? Or is it just that my friends are too used to the fact that I'm the one requesting us to do this and that?

It truly feels as if I were to not interact with any of my friends, or anyone else, first, they'd not interact with me for the rest of the time till the sun blew up.