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To start this off, my life is quite lonely. I barely go out but this is NOT because I want to. This is because of my parents. They're very strict, I can't say it's because they need me at home or that I am useful to them. I barely do chores at home. All I do is sleep, wake up, maybe eat? But mostly just staying in bed for the whole entire year doing absolutely nothing.
It get to a point where I don't even have the motivation to do basic human shit. that's including eating, showering, staying clean, changing clothes and etc. But this is something I am very aware of and when I remember that I am suppose to live, then I start picking myself up only to go back to the same cycle of bed rotting and doing nothing.
I have multiple time try to fight for my rights to have a life yeah sure but in the end they put the title "rebellious teen" on me and how bad I've fallen out of religion that they don't trust me with anything. They would scare me too with how bad the world is and they would rather that I live with them forever. At this point, I've grown tired of fighting back.
Because of this I have lost my motivation to do everything. They put me in a private university that allow me to study and attend classes online. Yk how bad that is??? I recently have exam for my first semester and guess what I did? nothing. Am I scared of the consequences? Yes. Do I have enough in me to give a fuck about my studies? Unfortunately no. Whenever anyone ask me about the exam I'd just lie and say I got it under control or I know what I'm doing or that I give up (jokingly). Mind you we're NOT privilege at all. I'd say we're upper middle class. Paying off debts and stuff. I wonder why they think doing extra shits to keep me in this dang house is worth it.
They WON'T allow me to work or GO OUTSIDE to buy groceries or simple shit like walking. I am always in my room doing nothing, growing old, having zero motivation for anything. I have lost all my friends because I hardly have the energy to talk to anyone, I barely talk to anyone since I was done with high school. I barely use any social media platform too because it pains me that other people my age are having a life outside of their house. It doesn't even have to be dramatic, it could just be like a normal going out to grab yourself a drink type of post and I'd be on my knees wishing it's me.
There's so much more I can talk about when it comes to this topic but my brain only remember these as of right now.
This probably turned me into a weirdo too.
I appreciate kind people on the internet.
Comments
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xinkitty
hi!! i dont know if this helps or if u have done this before, but something that helps me a lot (in my experience) was talking w them (no fighting) i know that its hard but u should try! u should tell them that u feel bad bc u think that they don’t let u out and that makes u so bad that it doesn’t let u get up of the bed, also if they see that u are helping in the house they would trust u more (i know this sounds ridiculous but works) i know that is hard and maybe u dont even think they can “change” but really u should try and if this works u have to prove them that they can trust u for example if u say that u are going to a place u should tell them that u are going to talk with them when u are there or call them even u can share ur location, that way i think they could give u more permission!!! don’t think they hate u or something like that, I’m sure they are just worried and dont want anything to happen to you but u have to tell them that u are feeling that way, I hope this helps u!!
that's so sweet of you :( unfortunately I have tried those. my mom is a very complicated woman. she's the uhm, those mom that you can't be honest with or be nice to, she'll see that as an opening to be mean(?) or to act like she's superior instead of understanding that the other person actually just want to communicate and shows that they're willing to be vulnerable towards her. she's a full time narcissist, she's just lucky that my dad is a good guy with built in patience. sadly I am very sensitive esp when it's about her and trust me I've tried my best at all time to avoid any sort of arguments. she would only shout at you when you apologize, she would never apologize or admit that she's at fault. if you somehow got her to listen to you, she'll get defensive at every little things. I wish she could just stop wanting to win. I am happy to know someone would say such nice advice to me, thank you so muchh
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intoxicatediloveyou
That sucks, id say when youre older you should try and leave them, ur gonna get a job eventually unless they actually intend to have you live with them forever, if thats the case i hope u meet someone who can help u out
I'd say I have about 4? years until I graduate from uni. still a long time from now, sighhhhhh I am willing to sell my kidney to bring my siblings outta here with me. I could only plan and dream in the mean time T-T
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