Ethel cain knows me better than i know myself

I'm sat in what feels like the longest cab ride of my life, tugging at the fabric of my jeans which are way too tight. I wanted to wear my pajamas, but I'm a good boy I listen when I'm told. My mother and my sibling are facing each other like I've never been sitting there and just yelling. Every word feels like it's hitting me directly. There are tears streaming down my face but nobody takes notice, they are wolves in a fight or flight. I write and write but I know you can tell my words are void of feeling, all I want to write about is him. I'm not much of anybody, I've only just recently set my mind on a personality I want to stick to. When I was a kid, we'd set out glue traps for lizards and find them stuck and dead the next morning. The key difference is that I crawled onto this glue trap out of own volition. Not hating me is the closest thing to loving me, i'll do anything you say swear on it. In the words of our lord Hayden Silas Anhedönia, I only want him if he says it first to me. I wanna fuck him in the back of his mom's Mercury. He looks like he works with his hands, and smpells like Marlboro reds. My Christmas song playlist i almost over, I'm going to brush my teeth and take a piss and go to bed. I wanna go home and wiggle into my bones again.