esotericism isn't for everyone and can easily ruin your mental health!

How Esotericism ruined my mental health and why it's not for everyone

___________________________________________________________________________

first of all im not here to bash anyones beliefs, i understand the magnetism that esoteric naturally has on some people because i was that nerdy kid that applied to ''magic schools'' and tried to use magic to be more popular and prettier. 

If this doesn't resonate with you then this simply isn't written for u!

___________________________________________________________________________

I think a lot of people that find their ways into esotericism are kids and  teenagers that were failed by their church, mosque or whatever religion faculity there is. Organized Reigion and religious trauma often go hand in hand with outcasts that find their way into alternative outburst of spirituality. I was a kid that had spiritual trauma and felt hopeless a lot in her adolesence. People that have strong ties with their family and religion are least likely to fall down to esotericism because they have a strong foundation and are content with their standing in society.

We use magic to gain a sense of security. I often felt hopeless as a child being bullied, living a narcististic family dynamic with a physical abusive parent made me crave power. I found that power in Esotericism but it only worsened my mental state and the realationships i had with people.

___________________________________________________________________________

-How Esotericism ruined my mental health and maybe yours too-

1. EVERYTHING IS A SIGN! 

 Believing everything is a sign can easily become damaging because you start to override your own judgment, emotions, and reality.  Our brains are pattern-making machines, if you treat every litte thing as meaningful you create a constant low-level anxiety bacause you start seing the world loaded with hidden instructions you might ''miss'' - It will feed your overthinking loops ae: ''Was this a sign or not? Did i interpret it wrong? What if i ignore it and something bad happens?" 

 2. Tarot tells me evertyhing i have to know!

this  lowkey hurts because i looooved doing tarot. I spend so much money and time on tarot. I collected tarot like pokemon cards making it a very expensive hobby for a broke girl lmao. If you do Tarot excessively like i used to do it starts to replace your own decision making. When tarot shifts from ''this helps me to reflect'' to ''i can't decide without pulling a card or i won't do it unless the cards are right'' you have a big problem!

Tarot when used incorrectly can feed or obsessions ans anxiety. When i was at my lowest i would sit at my deck FOR HOURS. Entire Days would go where i would dissamble every small detail with my tarot deck. I started to pull out cards repeatedly, look for reassurance and created a false sense of certainty. 

I won't say tarot isn't a crazy tool because heven knows how often people told me i predicted their future correctly which only made me more arrogant and sure of myself. 

It isolated me because i literally started asking the tarot how my friends felt about me instead of asking my friends and i took everything certain. It would create intense anxiety for me because i would have the inner knowing something would go bad. Like a self fullfilling prophecy i would start to isolate myself because tarot told me my friends don't really like me. If you are already depressed and see eveyting in a darker lens, tarot will start to reflect your inner sadness onto the cards and you find yourself in a constant loop of eternal doom.

I HAVE A LOT MORE I WANT TO SHARE MYBE I DROP A PT 2