Living With the Constant Urge to Leave

I idk how to explain it, but I almost always feel like leaving, ngl. Not to a specific place, tbh, nor bc anything is particularly wrong. It’s just that I have this constant feeling of unease, idk, like something’s pressing on me from the inside, fr, like the place I’m in is never enough, yk? It feels like an urge, kinda, and sometimes just a quiet discomfort, lowkey, like I’m always waiting for something to change, or for something to arrive, or for something interesting to happen, wyd world? But it doesn’t. And then I think: what if I leave? idk, i don’t mean leaving the country or anything that extreme, btw. Sometimes I just wanna escape, brb from my life, get away for a while, put everything on hold, dnd pls. There are days when I do everything I have to do: I get up, I talk to ppl, I even laugh, lol, but inside it’s different, fr. This constant feeling makes me think that this place (any place) is too small for me, ngl. I feel the need to flee without really knowing why, idk. I feel a constant desire for distance, although I don’t quite know where to, wya even? As if a different life is waiting for me somewhere else, lighter, less watched, imo. Like maybe there, somewhere idk, I could finally rest. And it’s not that I don’t love the ppl who are there for me. I do, ily, fr. And I like where I am, rt. But that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel out of place, yk. That I don’t need space, silence, something different, tbh. As if there were a better version of me that could only exist somewhere else, lowkey true. It’s happened in difficult times too. If there’s a fight or a serious problem, my first thought is always: okay, I’m leaving, gtg. And it’s not bc I’m weak or give up easily, nvm that. On the contrary: I always stay, fr. I always face things. But my first reaction is still that: to run away, smh. Bc that’s how I learned to survive, imo. To protect myself. And tbh, idk if that’ll ever change. I’m even worried it won’t. That this urge to run away will always be there, forever af, even if I stay. Bc in the end, I do stay, rt. Even when it’s hard. Even when disappearing for a while sounds easier, ngl. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling this way, mb. Especially when I think about the ppl I love, everything I have, everything I’ve built, fr. It doesn’t look like I’m lacking anything, on paper, but there’s still something inside that bothers me, idk what, that tells me I’m not comfortable, that I don’t quite belong where I am or with who I’m with, yk. That I need to leave to know if I really wanna stay, weird but true. And I’ve tried: changing houses, cities, schools, routines, hair, style, aka everything. Sometimes it works for a bit, omw to peace, but the feeling always comes back, nvm. Maybe it’s bc I never had a place of my own, idk. Or bc since childhood I felt I had to stay alert, smh. Or bc I learned that sometimes, to be okay, you have to disappear a little, brb from existence. I’m afraid there isn’t enough space in the world where I don’t feel like a stranger, fr. I’m afraid of being someone who always wants to leave, but never really does, tbh. And sometimes, when I think about it deeply, I start to believe that maybe it’s not even about leaving, plot twist. Maybe what I want is to stop carrying, caring for, and enduring everything, pls. Maybe what I really want is for someone to tell me:You can stay. There’s room here. You don’t need to leave:<