⁖ ۟ ᰍ A very funny anecdote/gossip ₊ ˚ ! [My Traumas, My Jokes]

HI, I’M SILLY BUN! And fair warning: grab some popcorn or something, because this story has everything, including me trying to end things nicely on Discord, which honestly tells you all you need to know.
(And it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what Degrees of Lewdity is; it doesn’t affect the story.)

Alright, so everything starts on SpaceHey around mid-November, like the 14th–15th. I had actually made yet another account just to promote a project (a visual novel). The thing is, I met this guy, let’s call him Kylar (since that was his favorite Degrees of Lewdity character, and at the time his SpaceHey profile picture was him).

Let’s say we mainly connected because we both like yanderes, and since I was making, well, am making, a visual novel with a yandere love interest, he messaged me privately to ask about it, to tell him more, etc. I honestly told him that if he wanted, I could send him a drawing of the love interest’s face, but that I couldn’t do it through SpaceHey because it doesn’t allow image sharing, obviously. 

So in the end he gave me his Discord and we started talking there. I should mention that this was the period when I used Discord the most, because normally I barely use it. At first everything was normal: he asked me what yanderes I liked, who were the first yandere characters I ever liked, stuff like that. You know, normal everyday fandom questions.

But I started noticing some… curious little things. For example, Kylar asked me what I thought about real yanderes. Like, real life ones. My face at that moment was priceless, and I started to sense where this might be going later on,but of course, I ignored it and gave my opinion.

As this conversation with Kylar progressed, I kept updating my best friend about the situation and about how I decided to go along with it, because the guy seemed very random to me and, for most of the anecdote, I honestly thought he was just a troll. Why lie?

During all this, he recommended Degrees of Lewdity, which I didn’t try until later. One day after we started talking, I checked his SpaceHey profile and realized he had deleted all his friends except me. It’s a silly thing, but it gave me chills, though not exactly fear.

By the second day of us talking, he was already sending messages that were… a little questionable. The kind that make you raise an eyebrow. Here are some of them:

Kylar:
“just laying in bed thinking about you.
you have invaded my mind and i wont stop thinking about you for
the next few hrs”

Me:
“WOW, honestly, I don’t think you have that much to think about me
hsahdh (just kidding)”

Kylar:
“oh you dont know me
its just simple stuff
like wanting to talk with you
being able to see your profile popup when you send a msg
thinking about the game you are making
and what you maybe be upto
when will you next talk to me
wondering what your probably thinking of rn”

And those were just some of them. He also said gems like:

• “aww
  I am definitely picking apart your brain
  then and keeping you with me forever
  and ever and ever and ever and ever and
  ever and ever and eveeeeeerrrrrrrr”

• “pfft adorable
  maybe i should put a collar on you and
  chain you to me so I never ever lose you
  again :<”

• “So fking cute I just wanna eat you up make you a part of me so we shall never be away from each other”

So, we reach the second day of talking, and that’s when he confesses. YES, ON THE SECOND DAMN DAY. We were asking each other questions to get to know one another better, and I asked in good faith, “What do you think of me?” And well… he confessed, because he wanted to be honest with his answer.

On the second day of knowing each other, he was already talking to me like I was the love of his life. And I was internally like: “This is a troll. 100%.” But to go along with it, I said something like: “Well, let’s wait a month and see how things go, it’s way too soon to say that.”

The thing is… he kept going. And going. And going. With his intense expressions of love, until I was like: okay, this is a lot of pressure. I was convinced that at some point he’d say, “TOUCH GRASS, you fell for the joke.”
Spoiler: that never happened.

Being “a couple” with him lasted a week. During that week, one day he started a suggestive conversation, even though he knew I was asexual. And since I didn’t know how to say “hey, this makes me uncomfortable” at the time (it’s VERY obvious I don’t know how to set boundaries), I awkwardly went along with it, even though it was very noticeable that I was uncomfortable.

The next day he asked me what I thought about that explicit conversation, and I told him the truth: that it made me uncomfortable. He apologized, but that apology didn’t last long, because two days later he started another suggestive conversation.

On top of that, he asked me questions I didn’t know how to answer honestly. Like:
“But does your libido go up with me?”
“Do you feel sexual attraction toward me?”

I felt completely cornered. How was I supposed to tell him: NO, I’m not attracted to you like that, my libido is still just as low, and I haven’t even had time to form any kind of emotional connection? Especially when he kept saying that his libido had increased because of me.

I lied. A lot. Partly because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or something. Call me stupid, but that’s just how I am.

By the way—one thing he said that really stuck with me: I once mentioned that at art school we watched a mini-documentary about the adolescent brain, and that according to it, the brain isn’t fully developed until 25. His response?

“So I have 7 years to make you dependent on me :3”

Finally, after a long week where I leaned on him a lot because I was going through a bad time (I tend to self-isolate), I gathered the courage to break up with him, though honestly, to me it wasn’t even a real relationship.

I was partly honest with my reasons: that I needed to focus more on my studies, that due to the distance I couldn’t give him the attention he needed, etc. (I live in Spain, and he was literally 6,177 km away)

The breakup was LONG. Very long. He insisted for 3–4 straight hours, saying we could reach an agreement, that he would never stop loving me, while I kept saying it was the best thing for both of us. He said it wasn’t best for him, that I was the best partner he’d ever had (he had another partner before who lasted 7 months, but she cheated on him, and according to him, she carved his name into her chest or something like that). He said he’d never felt so loved or understood, and on and on.

As a final message, I sent him a long paragraph wishing him the best and saying that maybe, after some time, we could talk again as friends.

Do you think that’s where it ends? NOT EVEN CLOSE, HOLD ON, HERE COME THE CURVES.

My birthday arrived: December 5th. About three weeks had passed since I broke up with him. That same day, after my best friend went home (she had slept over), a few hours later he messaged me on Discord. I hadn’t blocked him or anything, I didn’t really feel the need to.

Was I expecting it? Yes. But not what happened next.

He wished me a happy birthday. Normal so far. Out of politeness, I asked him how he was doing. His response?

“Miserable.”

So, trying to be kind, I asked why,saying he didn’t have to tell me if it made him uncomfortable. I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE UNDERSTANDING.

Huge mistake.

He told me that since I broke up with him, his reason for living had completely disappeared. That he didn’t want to live anymore. Basically that he wanted to kill himself. That he was going to go for his fourth suicide attempt.

And there I was like… what do I even say to that?

I GOT BACK WITH HIM.

Because of course I felt bad. I felt guilty. I didn’t want him to hurt himself.

And hey, after dumping all of that on me, he said he didn’t want to force me into anything (as in, being with him). After saying he’d kill himself if he wasn’t with me. But don’t worry, he didn’t want to pressure me.

Getting back together lasted about three days. During those days he told me things like: his plan had been to wish me a happy birthday, vent, say everything he needed to say, tell me he was going to kill himself, and then do it. Another attempt. He also said that if I left him again, he’d kill himself.

Totally normal behavior.

Finally, after 3–4 days, I gathered the courage again. I told him I was going to take a nap, and that “nap” turned into me blocking him everywhere: Instagram, Steam, Discord, everywhere. I recently checked SpaceHey and saw that his profile no longer exists; I assume he deleted it.

Honestly, I’m a bit scared that he might have actually done what he said he would. I feel guilty, that’s why I try to joke about it. But well, the only good thing I got out of all this is that now I have a hyperfixation on Degrees of Lewdity, the game he recommended.

If you made it this far, tell me your opinion. Because while part of me thinks he was definitely trying to manipulate me, another big part of me tells me he wasn’t a bad guy, that I should’ve endured it, and that in some way… it was my fault.