Sofia pt2

Okay, so Sofia stopped talking to me.
Marcela got out of the psych ward and we started chatting - our chats flowed so well I started thinking I could really like her, so I asked myself "why not give her hope she can 'win' me again?" and that's what I did.
Meanwhile, Sofia sent me a message saying she wanted us to be friends because she didn't want to lose me, so we started talking again, but a lot less and with a bad vibe.
I kept talking to Marcela and we started watching WandaVision together. She said she was gonna go out with me, ask me out and give me a ring she had, and that our "proposal" would be the prettiest ever, and I just pretended to like her back. While I talked to Marcela, I told Sofia I still loved her and we talked about her insecurities, even though she didn't want to talk about them. I made sure she knew I loved her, even though I was talking to someone else too.
Then, talking to both of them, my therapist told me I had to choose one of them, or I'd lose both. At first, I didn't want to choose, because I wanted both of them in different ways. I wanted Sofia as my girlfriend and Marcela as my little pet. But I coudn't have both, so I chose Sofia and blocked Marcela.
Days after, I unblocked Marcela and we started chatting again, because I was so obsessed with how she treated me that I couldn't just leave. She treated me like I was a goddess, and I felt SO powerful talking to her, 'cause even though she's the top one, she gave me the lead of everything in our "relationship". So we started talking again and I said I liked Sofia but loved Marcela (lie), and that Sofia didn't treat me well, so Marcela talked to a friend of hers and they decided it wasn't good for me to go back to someone who didn't treat me right (Sofia). I sent Sofia a text saying everything I thought - that she didn't treat me right, that it seemed like she didn't like me at all, and told Marcela I broke up with her. Although, Marcela was already dating someone else and I got SO jealous BC THAT'S MY PUPPY. MINE!!
Okay, so Marcela broke up with her girlfriend to be with me, but Sofia answered my text with another text, saying she didn't see things that way and she really likes me, so I blocked Marcela again, without warning aaaand that's it. I made my decision. I chose Sofia, even though I don't get her that well and sometimes she confuses and frustrates me sm.
A month later, I got into the psych ward for another therapy day, but I brought my cigarettes with me, because a friend of mine (Mai) told me she'd smoke in the bathroom with me, but when I got there, she said our therapist had taken her diary and there was written that I gave her a cigarette, so he probably had readen that and found out I was bringing cigarettes to her. She said she didn't want to smoke with me anymore and would give me my cigarette back, so I got SO MAD that she didn't want to smoke with me anymore that I picked the cigarette and smoked in the bathroom by myself. One of the therapists (who's also a patient for some reason) suspected how long I took in the bathroom and went to check, so she smelled the cigarette smell in the air and told MY therapist about it. I told the truth to him, said everything that happened and that I did smoke again. Founding out about that, they left me in the mental hospital AGAIN. I cried every day because I missed Sofia and I even made my mother buy a necklace with a photo of her in it. I talked about her EVERY SINGLE DAY to EVERYONE and my therapist always heard about her. It was pretty easy for me to get out - in a month, I was already home. I started talking to Sofia again, but.. I noticed Marcela sent me 59 messages on TikTok. She said she missed me, apologized for anything and said she still loved me. I left her on read and then she sent more messages, asking if I wanted to talk about what happened and I just answered the last message, saying they found out I was smoking and got me into the psych ward again. She complained that I just answered that one message instead of answering all of them and said she already knew why I was back into the psych ward. I asked if she was okay and she said she got harassed by 3 people since we stopped talking and said she started cutting herself again, like I'd care for this. Still, I pretended to care and "offered an ear" for her. She said she still liked me, more than she liked her ex who she was obsessed with, that I was the one she loved the most in her entire life and made me promise that if Sofia breaks up with me, I'd talk to her for her to "win me back". She said she wanted a hug from me, so I gave her my address and said she's always welcome if she just wants a hug. She said my relationship was the priority, but I said I'd deal with Sofia later. She said she talked with a lot of people to know about me when I was "missing", even a pedophile who liked her in the psych ward, 'cause he got out and might know about me. Anyway. She told me she talked to Sofia, so I asked Sofia if that was true, and she confirmed and sent me all the text and asked if Marcela talked to me, since I knew they chatted and she had probably told me. I said yes, but didn't tell her the whole story, because I was a dick and I couldn't tell her, so I just said I offered her a hug. Sofia got weird and suddenly she said she had to talk to me. I asked what happened and she said that she knew I talked to Marcela and if I kept talking to her, it'd be better if we stopped talking. I said I only talked to her because she was feeling bad and used the harassment she's gone through to try and make Sofia accept it better, but she said it wasn't her problem and that I talked to Marcela even though I knew about her insecurities about her. She said I lied to her because she asked about what we chatted and I just told her 1/3 of it, but I said I didn't lie, so she just said "okay" again. I hate when she does this. I told her I pitied Marcela, even though I just talked to her to massage my ego, because I like to see her humiliating herself just for me. Sofia said she was upset because of her mother and probably just used the situation to get more upset and that I wasn't wrong, but I said I was wrong and I CAN be wrong, I'm not always right and most of the times I'm wrong. She said she was upset, but it was okay. I decided to block Marcela in everything, even though she told me not to.
After this, I made a second account and asked my ex to be my friend because I missed her (as a friend) and needed someone to talk to, and on my main account she was blocked because Sofia told me to block her, then I started posting status with screenshots of my conversation with Raquel (my ex) and Sofia answered asking which app was that. I said it was Discord, on my second account, and she said "Okay".
Then, she sent me three messages when my phone was on lockdown and deleted them before I could see what was written, so I asked what it was twice, but she said it was nothing and ignored my messages. I started talking to Raquel about what happened between me, Sofia and Marcela and she called me stupid, mf and dumb for answering Marcela when I knew I shouldn't, so I posted her humiliating me and screaming at me and after that I posted her profile here on Spacehey and my profile, showing we were matching icons (I love Lottienat!). Seconds after I posted that last screenshot of her, Sofia sent me a message saying it'd be better if we distanced ourselves from each other, and I think the reason was Raquel. Anyway, I don't know if she realized it was actually Raquel, because I told Raquel to change her Discord name to "Mai", that is another one of my friends, so I could fool Sofia and she didn't find out that I was talking to my ex again, but maybe she found out somehow, because I think in the screenshot that I took of Raquel's profile, it showed her name in some parts. ANYWAY. I said it was okay for us to distance from each other if she wanted that and waited for her to send a message explaining why, but she kept texting and deleting the text over and over again and didn't send anything at all, so I sent her a message asking why and she asked if we could see each other in person to talk about it. She asked if I'd be free today, but when I asked my mother if I could go see her, she said there was no one who could drive me there and pick me up, and that the only days that she was free to drive me there was 26 or 28. 26 is Sofia's mother's birthday, so we decided to meet at 28, but since it would take long (it was 22/12), I asked if she didn't want to talk by vc first. She accepted, but said she had to go to the market with her brother first. it was 7 PM.
I kept waiting and waiting for a text FOR HOURS, until it hit 10 pm and I had to go to sleep. She didn't send me anything, even though I asked her to warn me when she got back. After that, she sent me a random reel on Instagram, so I knew she was only ignoring me.
Today, I asked if she didn't want to talk anymore, and again she didn't answer me for hours 'cause she wasn't home and, when she answered, just said she wasn't home and was at a pool rn. She didn't answer if she didn't want to talk anymore or said anything about our last subject. I hate when she does this.