Sofia

So. I met a girl named Sofia at the psych ward. Since the beggining, I found her gorgeous and interesting and I wanted to be friends with her, but I didn't know how to approach her. The days passed and we started chatting from time to time bout our lives and stuff like this. Eventually, she confessed to me and I said I liked her back. Days after she confessed, her mom took her out of the mental hospital and I stayed 'cause my mother didn't want to take me out. I sent her letters by my therapist's and mom's phones and she sent letters back too. 2 months passed and I was still in the mental hospital, and a girl named Marcela came in. We started chatting - she was one of those perfect girls. She knew how to play 8 instruments, won a national ballet award, spoke german... You may not know, but I absolutely HATE perfect people, because tbh I envy them asf, so I hated her SO MUCH. I bullied her and everything. Days passed and a girl named Mariana started hooking up with her, but then accused her of harassment and she started crying and freaking out - that's when I, for the first time, found her attractive. When she was crying. You may not know that too, but I love seeing people crying, specially if I'm the reason.
Anyway, she broke up with Mariana and for a few days she was very sensitive and everything, so I thought "what if I pretend I like her only to reject her and see her crying FOR ME?"
Our friend, Marcella (with 2 Ls), started saying "kiss! kiss! kiss!", but Marcela said I didn't want to, and I answered her with "is that really the case?" and we kissed each other. I was planning this kiss for weeks, 'cause I knew she was interested in me - I always know. With Sofia, I also knew.
Sometimes, when I thought about kissing Marcela, I thought about Sofia and gave up, but I wouldn't say no to such an opportunity right on my face.
Me and Marcela started hooking up - we even french kissed, but I didn't know what to do with my tongue, so it was awful as hell. She didn't know how to kiss either, even though she had done it before. So, since I didn't know how to kiss her that way (the way she wanted), I let her kiss the other girl-friends we had there, because honestly I didn't care who she kissed, because I didn't like her at all, so she kissed, like, three or four of our friends right in front of me - even sat on a girl's lap and moaned while they kissed each other.
My hate for Marcela only grew and I wrote how much I hated her in my "Death Note" every single day. I thought a lot about Sofia and felt guilty for kissing other girl, but I had a reason. Days before, I sent a letter to her from my therapist's phone and I saw her matching with someone else that idk who it was, so I thought she was replacing me for other person and thought "so if she's replacing me, I shall replace her too".
Sometimes, I was the one to begin the kiss with Marcela, because I felt extremely powerful when I did it. She just accepted like a good puppy. I started calling her my puppy 'cause she just accepted everything I done to her. We kissed many times, sometimes she started, sometimes I did, and it was disgusting every single time because I still hated her, but my plan was going well - she was starting to actually like me.
Then, all of a sudden, she confessed to me and I said I still liked Sofia. She got sad and started crying and freaking out like she did with Mariana, and I finally got to see her suffering like I wanted. I came closer to her to chat and see her crying more closely by offering support and she said she thought she could change my feelings for Sofia, but I said no one could change that.
We became "friends", but I still hated her asf.
I got out of the psych ward and told Sofia that I hooked up with Marcela, and she said it was okay. Her friends started hating me for this and so did I. I stopped talking to Marcela (she was still in the psych ward and I go there every wednesday) and kept a distance, even though she tried her best to break that distance, 'cause she still liked me.
I started chatting a lot with Sofia, but our conversation just didn't have that flow that it did when I was in the psych ward with her. I called her my girlfriend and she called me her girlfriend, even though we didn't date. We started calling each other almost every day too.
Then, she started talking about one of her friends who she kissed when she was 9 and she was extremely toxic with, because she made the girl (Manu) think she only deserved Sofia's friendship and no one else's. Sofia even beated her up when she talked to other person. She said Manu was also very jealous of her and didn't let her have friends. Then.. she said something. She said she thought Manu still liked her since their first kiss because she showed signs. I thought she was making me jealous on purpose, so I thought of a revenge. If she was friends with someone who still liked her and she didn't care about it at all, so I could be "friends" with someone who liked ME and don't care about that part too.
So next wednesday I got back into the mental hospital and saw Marcela. There, I asked her to record TikTok trends with me, where she had to put her face really close to mine or let me kiss all over her cheeks, and then I picked these videos and posted it on my WhatsApp status for Sofia to see it and get jealous. After that, she sent me many "????" answering the status and started to call me and send me audios crying, asking me to answer her. She asked if we were something or just friends and I said we were hook ups in my vision, even though I already dated her in my vision. She said she didn't expect this from me and said I lie to her and do things on her back, also that I didn't ever loved her and that she's dumb. I said I never lied to her because I really loved her, but she said I was lying again. I said I did nothing wrong, just did some trends with Marcela, and she said "okay" and we stopped talking
(I'm gonna finish writing this another day)