i dont know.

when will this truly end? when will i live peacefully? this house doesn't feel home to me anymore and it hurts so fucking bad? when will i have someone who is actually gonna be home to me. male or female, platonic or romantic nothing feels good. yes i know i have food on my plate, a roof on top of my head, education, good friends, a decent bf. but when will i be happy? i know ill never be able to live with these people. ill cut my dad off completely, i'm literally only baring up with him cause he pays for my shit which every fucking dad does, and ill be in contact with my sister and mother but i don't think ill ever live with them. i wont ever marry. at this point i feel like living alone till the day i die is good enough i'm genuinely so fucking tired of everyone and everything. i just pray to lord that this'll end soon and mum will get her justice and akka will have a great future and that controlling rat will completely disappear out of her life.i get happy throughout and in 2026 i get peace within and not beg others to get me peace. i want them to be happy but they drain me. maybe its just cause of the situation that's going on right now, but nahi. im tired i don't like this i wanna escape. "just 2 more years" i keep telling myself that cause i know at the of the day i'm leaving this shit hole. i just hope god helps me.