Today is her Birthday

Today is Dec 22—her birthday. I don't say this to reminisce—not at all, I swear. Trust me, she was a horrible person. But when my phone buzzed a reminder two or three days ago, I just remembered who she was, and y'know, that kinda set with me a bit. It was a gentle silence, quiet, of course, yet transmitted my past and present: how we used to be friends before, how she's nowhere to be found, now. I genuinely can't remember when or why she stopped appearing. She was my "nothing friend" in school—the girl who I stayed close to, comforted by her acceptance of my lower status in a social context. But the "nothing" part of that friendship(?) came from the fact that I didn't really exist...

We were friends(?) until her clan returned. And even in their absence, our friendship(?) remained sickeningly superficial, heavily oriented around drama, which I regret, truly. She made me uncomfortable several times, pushing... topics when I had my first boyfriend in high school. She didn't always talk about those things, but the conversations were always about "my" or "her"—my drama, her parties, my plans, her car, the people in my life, the plans she had for hers. I know, I know—it's natural to have different friends for different occasions. But even so, those different friends should still feel like A friend regardless, right? Personally, I don't even agree with different friends per occasion; it's a popular way of thinking, but I'd rather not be or treat others like interchangeable hats. Back on topic though, to put it bluntly, she was very, very fake.

She got so mad at me once, actually. I reported an instance where she lied about abuse that another friend of mine (whom I also regret having) committed. It was a totally false allegation because he wasn't even around his girlfriend at the time. She cited receipts that didn't exist, and the story she told about taking the girlfriend to the hospital deadass didn't make any sense. I asked him about it (vaguely, of course), and he was just so confused. That same day, I inquired, I went to the principal to report. She was called in for questioning the next day after the former boyfriend, and then she straight-up confessed that everything she said was a lie that the girlfriend didn't even know about??? Point being, she stopped talking to me for like two months. That's fine and all; I knew she was upset. But the way she went about doing it made me feel bad.

Instead of not talking to me, she'd purposely exclude me. Like she'd talk OVER me and whisper jokes to the girlfriend (who was also in the class) and those two would laugh. We sat right next to each other. And because of the seating arrangement, we were paired for group work. They would work AROUND me. Like damn, I know I upset you but jeez. Truthfully, I've kinda done that to another person just as ANOTHER person has done that to me, but those two instances are different. 

For the guy I did/am doing that to, he actually DID something that hurt me to the point where I did not want to see him again, but even then, I understand that school is an environment that forces SOME degree of engagement. It's not like the guy spread a made-up abuse claim or anything. 

And for the guy who did that to me, I was just being an asshole, and whether I regret it or not is up for interpretation, haha.

But yeah, the girl was in the wrong—ENTIRELY, yet I was made to feel bad for saying something.

Anyways, as a whole, this just goes to show that people become irrelevant. I do wonder about her whereabouts but nothing beyond idle curiosity. At this point, even the thought of interacting again isn't pleasurable. I'd hate to answer questions, to hear that fake cheering, to receive those uncomfortable hugs. But on a good note, at least she gave me something to write about. 

It's kinda funny how people live on.