i should’ve just said it myself

So lately there’s been this situation at school with this guy, let’s title him D. We called him attractive and he thought I was good looking too so we we’re going to attempt talking. somehow my name keeps getting passed around more than An actual conversation.ast Friday I’ve heard from a friend “he doesnt like you- he wants nothing to do with you”. But the part that’s genuinely messing with me is that nun of this is directly coming from him, it’s all coming from protégé’s that he didn’t sent himself. While I don’t think they’re trying to be evil, it’s just that the story keeps getting shifted, and every version makes me sound worse than the last !! What’s frustrating is he has this whole image of me built of whispers. Like imagine forming an opinion about someone you’ve never actually sat down and spoken to. Or declaring they’re obsessed and desperate without hearing their voice or knowing their intentions. If writing about it makes me seem even more desperate than I already seem, then let it be I guess. Everyone one is telling me to let it go. But letting go feels like agreeing to a lie. Or let go just bc it seems easier than being uncomfortable for 5 minutes and speaking for myself. 

So yeah I’m meeting with him on campus the chance I get. not to chase him nor beg. Just to clear the air and let him meet me, not the story. Whatever happens after that , at least it’ll be real.

I mean he’s already dl to his family at home so he’s already going through a lot, hearing all this stuff about me from other kids makes me seem problematic and a problematic out bi boy is the last thing he needs right about now in his life.

So yeah I’ve realized this would’ve all been easier and less messy if I would’ve just manned up and talked to him myself instead of having a mutual friend of our try to set us up, and having him play middle man.

So tell me.. am I crazy for wanting to finally talk to him myself instead of letting the whole school talk for me?