Winter Finals! + Digital Silence

12.20.26

Winter Finals! Those are things... that I have—or had, given that they have ended. I feel like such a poser, saying that I'll be online or that I'll post consistently only to randomly dip for increasing periods of time. "Things just got busy," — that's always my pre-planned reply. School got heavy, rehearsal got longer; therefore, I couldn't update because I just didn't have the time. 

Cheap excuses, really.... again. 

I want to dedicate myself to something as simple as blogging every day—just once. Maybe to prove that I can actually "show-up" or maybe to fight the inner voice that goes, "wow, you really don't have any plans in life." That second one, of course coming from the fact that, I DID have time to post—more than enough time, really. So much so that the time to write and post could've been divided into even more nourishing activities for that dusty ol' brain of mine. 

Time was never the issue, though. I fear that every day, I fight and lose the battle to the algorithm. It is my weak mind bending to instant gratification, leading to my time—that dear thing—being blatantly wasted. I just toss potential down the open void, and I do literally nothing about it.

The digital Silence movement for 2026 has genuinely inspired me to make a change. For clarity, "digital silence" is just what I've dubbed Gen Z's plan to return to physical media. And for further clarity, I'm well aware that inspiration alone isn't going to fix the damage I've done to my poor brain.

Having always loved digital media (and being a bit of a collector myself), I already have plenty of means to consume. Which is good. Redundancy can be argued by the fact that it's cutting out one bad/harmful activity to replace it with another, but I'd say that my personal objective is control. Being 100% offline in my area is not sustainable with my lifestyle, and even if it were, I would not want to do it—not at all. 

My goal is control. And if I cut out everything digital because it feels like I've relinquished mine... then what am I really gaining? TL;DR - cutting out everything in the name of taking back control isn't authentic control to me—it's more like retaliation. It feels like this: I'll do this thing not because I want to, but because YOU want me not to.

I don't want to burn my phone, saying "SCREW YOU BIG CORPS!" 

And as many times as I've tried, I just never felt "ok" with deleting Instagram or Discord. That definitely sounds like an addict's mindset right there, and the worst part is—I'm perfectly aware of how hopeless I sound. 

In the end, my personal goal is to not itch without my phone. I would like to eat dinner without scrolling reels or watching YouTube (although it would help if I had someone to sit with). Actually, no. Scratch that. It's really not about not using the phone. To me, it's more like the ability to be okay without it. 

Forcing myself to do things in silence is an eyeopener. I've been trying little by little and building my bit of endurance. But seriously, I get those coffee jitters when I can't open my phone and — yeah actually why am I even opening my phone?! It's so second nature. Even if no one texted or called (trust me, they don't), I still feel that conviction to tap, touch, swipe, scroll. 

These years have been a waste, truly, but I want to take the steps to make it matter in the end.

________

And these are just my own thoughts taking the wheel, right, but I've always liked retro technology. Clearly, flip phones have had a bit of a comeback. I like the tactical nature of the phones. I like touching and clicking, but I feel like a fake for collecting for the vibes rather than the intention. </3

A sunbeam f1 would be nice. But I like my kitty cat (that's a phone— cat s22)