01. rambling

i don't have a lot of alone time these days. it's really frustrating. i feel ungrateful for the friends i have. i feel like, i would really rather spend time by myself. i have amazing friends that love me so much, they accept me and care about me and always support me. i love them right back just the same. but, i value my independence.
lately, i've been feeling overwhelmed. like something crawling up the back of my neck, knowing i'm going to have to pause what i'm doing to tend to my friendships. i love my friends, i will always nurture the relationships i have and maintain a solid foundation with them. always. as i'm typing this, i'm finding myself less frustrated with having to tend to these friendships.
i do love them all so much, they really would do anything for me, no matter what. i will never hurt them. they will never hurt me. it's been years now that i've had these close friends.

anyway, now i'm listening to music. i am such an insane fan of midwest emo. probably because im from the midwest? right now i have this on repeat:
insane banger i swear.

i'm so fucking grateful to be here in the midwest. born and raised but i had to live in texas for a few years. thank god i'm back. what a nightmare. it's been snowing here so much, the arctic breeze made me cry and shiver in bed but i loved every second of it. i can't wait for more and more and more and more.