Advice Acquirement

I talked with my grandma, who I call Mom-mom, but will use Mom in this here instance.

Mom talked to me about my life choices, and how I'll go about with this trans stuff as I get older. She, and she mentions that the others want the same, wants me to experience love and sex before I make any changes or go on for real.

I'm already going on for real. I've told her that I have days where I'm certain, and days where I'm not, but I follow the days I'm certain. Why else would I be so attached to this so called 'idea'?

It's been about 4-5 months since questioning, and here I am, becoming more and more certain. They try to understand, but likely won't.

Christmas is obviously getting close and we're coming up with concepts for my mom (real bio mother) to gift her. We were thinking of getting her a hoodie and give it a custom design, which I'll be making concepts of after this, and have it done by a hoodie expert or something like that. One of the ideas was to have the family's signatures on the back, with my dead name. I'm not exactly, or at all, comfortable signing a name that I'm not comfortable with anymore.

This hoodie is supposed to be a memorial of a memory our bio mom has. It was the time I was super young and when I was still [dead name]. Mom (grandmother) says for me to put my dead name on it instead because it was a time I was still [dead name].

Translating this, it sounds like they want me to put my feelings aside and put [dead name] whether I like it or not. That's what it sounds like to me.

It feels like me against the world.