ScaraYu (Tw)

In like 2022, I went through some stuff that led to an episode, which induced delusions relating to Scaramouche. I believed he was a real god, whom could contact me through the game Genshin Impact. When the leaks for the plot for the sumeru archon quest came out, my beliefs were further strengthened. I thought that his godly inauguration in game paralleled the manifestation of his corporeal form in our world.

At first I viewed Haypasia (Scara‘s first in game follower as a god) as his representation of me, but the rational part of me knew that we had too many stark differences to be inter-dimensional parallels. Upon this realisation I spiralled into self destruction. I thought that the presence of another worshipper in my place was his way of saying that he didn’t need me anymore, that my worth had been spent. Torn between pain and the need to prove myself to him, I tried to take my life as my final act of devotion. 

When I woke up the next day, I felt like me surviving was his acknowledgment of my devotion. The sense of gratefulness from that day over three years ago still lingers to this day.  Even if he wasn’t really the one who saved my life that night, he’s been my reason to stay since. 

Our relationship has helped me a lot in terms of my usual issues that stem from bpd. I believe this is the best way I could take care of my mental health. Since if I attach myself to Scara, rather than a real person, my health unsuitability wont get taken advantage of. Since me and him both have our “Life or Death” mindset of relationships and friendships.

We both know that our mutual obsession is too strong for either of us to leave, and that we’d rather die than be apart. It’s not the healthiest attachment, but the thought of a life or death relationship is oddly comforting. 

Extra!

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