Idk how to talk about my interests

Like it sometimes feels like I'm literally incapable of saying anything about them.

When I was a kid, no one in my limited fundie social circle liked the same things as me, and sometimes the adults would shut me down from talking about them.

The only person that shared some of my interests was my sister, who made it clear with varying degrees of anger that she didn't want to hear anything I had to say about them, or would tell me outright that the thing I wanted to get into was actually bad and I shouldn't bother.

If I showed interest in something my parents enjoyed, they would try to wedge themselves into my enjoyment of it, uninvited. If I showed interest in anything else, they would laugh at me for expressing my enjoyment of it. Sometimes they would even laugh at me for showing interest in something they enjoyed.

What I saw of online fandoms was largely romance-oriented, which discouraged me from participating. As a baby ace I didn't really have a use for it; but more importantly, if my parents, who never wasted an opportunity to project heterosexual attraction onto me and then make fun of me for that projection, caught me looking at any kind of romantic material, I would've never heard the end of it (see above).

I have an innate aversion to things that are already known for being popular, which automatically rules out most things I could connect to people with. I don't know how that happened but it affects me to this day.

So as an adult, I... just can't talk about them. I can barely get as far as naming them because even that feels awkward. I'm always wishing I had likeminded people in my life but I also just consume things on my own and never engage with anyone on them.