Vent because i am losing my mind

Tw: Anorexia and Suicide

Okay, so I used to be a super normal girl that was lwk a tecahers per but i was on the honor roll and had okay mental health. Ever since my friend k1lled herself in 2023, I ahvent been the same. It threw me completely off and I used music to cope since that was the only thing that made me feel okay again. Ever since last year, music hasnt been helping. I got a wrist injury which made it extreemely painful to play any on my instruments. (I had 2 X-rays and i had to splint it for 2 months). Due to me moving to another state and having to go to a new doctors office, the wrsit thing wasn't delt with until a year afterwards. When I went in, they couldn't figure out exactly what was wrong so i had to re brace it, get an ultrasound on it and an MRI. Since they still couldnt figure out what was wrong, they sent me to physical therapy. (I have physical therapy for my legs and wrist now). I still haven't gone yet bc ive been busy and have had to go to other appointments for other things. Two weeks ago, i went into urgent care because i was getting dizzy, bruising really easily, feeling sick all of the time, having multiple out of body sort of experiences, etc. After they found out about my eating habits, they decided to draw blood (3 vials of it for various tests). Appearently, i was so dehydrated that they couldn't find the vein and had to bring in 2 other nurses in order to stick the vein. My results were all on the normal side but on the low side but they did diagnose me with Anorexia. Now i have to have monthly follow ups with my provider. Last week, i jad an appointment for it and they drew blood again and made me take an EKG. Luckily everything was normal but they did send me to an ED specialist and are having me do therapy. The last time that i did therapy was last year after I tried to kms (it obviously didnt work). The lady asked why I couldn't just be happy and couldnt gove me any coping mechanisms that worked for me. Luckily, i moved away so i didnt have to see her but was advised to get another. Right now, i am struggling with school. I used to be an honors student and was in my schools Highly Capable program. I do have college classes and all of that but due to my poor mental health and lack of support, i have been consitently havibg B's in my class. I could go on and on about my issues but its whatever. I just wish that people could see how much i have been struggling without having to try to take my own life again. That was the only time that people seemed to care about me. Its not that i want their attention, i just want my struggles to be acknowledged.