Vent post??? 😛

First time venting! I dunno what to do 

I kind of cried about it already and calmed down so I guess I'll just write what happened and why I felt sad (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

My prom was this year. I finished school. Because of war in my country, we didn't have any fancy proms with DJs, dances, banquet or anything. We settled for a little performance program they made us prepare for parents, which I was kind of okay with (I was new to the school, it was quite literally my first and last year in that class. They all had established friends, dynamics abd everything, I just didn't fit in. So that decision spared me a lot of awkwardness)

I asked my mom BEFOREHAND, like a month before the whole thing, hey and hey there's gonna be Prom, PLEASEEEE be there and then spend time with me, like, go to a restaurant and celebrate. You, dad and my younger sister. She was like "Okay, when and where?" I told her and she nodded.

Guess what?

On the day of prom, besides my dress needing to get ironed ASAP and our iron not working so she send me to grandma so I could iron at her place (5min on car), she got there almost last second. And then she bolted as soon as it ended because of something on work. 

And I would've understood that if it was urgent, but as it turned out, it wasn't even urgent! 

So I was already upset that day and on the verge of tears when my dad ALSO HAD to leave because of his work. But here's the thing, dad is not mom, I'm not particularly close with him after their divorce (cause he's not a very good dad, but still, that's my dad) and he works in military. 

That day I now remember as one of the most miserable in my life. I only had by younger sister with me, and hey, it's a younger sibling, she's not very good at supporting me emotionally and even worse fact is she didn't have time that day to have any sort of breakfast so I had to feed her out of my own pocket (I have a part time job) because yes! Nobody gave a damn to prepare for that day except me apparently!

Later that day we did went to restaurant though, with some taxi problem, but we did. Which didn't help whatsoever. It made me even more bitter. Like, excuse me, it's MY day, I just FINISHED Highschool, this is a one time experience! In such hard times! I deserve that day to be about me, you know? But no, we talked about some stupid shit that didn't matter to me at all. I tried to subtly hint my mom that I wanted her to pay attention to me, but I guess she didn't notice. Which is probably BS cause my sister did, and she's not that great with hints. 

So, yes. Prom ruined. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm upset. And I couldn't even talk about it because I was so exhausted.

Some time passed.

Like a month or so.

I'm trying to move on, but one day there's conflict starting between me and mom. I don't remember how it started, but I remember standing while she sat working as I told her "I needed you that day! And you left, I'm your child! You're supposed to carr about that kind of stuff about me just because!" And she told me "You should've told me." And I said "I did! I literally asked you many times before if you had work that day or anything, if you were free, I did." To which she couldn't answer because I burst into tears.

My sister supported me in that confrontation, not exactly with arguments but it was sweet to hear her stand loudly by my side and validate my feelings by raising her voice at mom, saying that it was not okay of her.

Ultimately I calmed down, because mom refused to communicate with me like that. So I sat down, and she started vaguely hinting at some secret reasoning why she did what she did. In the end, she told me that she pushes me away not because she hates me or anything, but because she's trying to make me independent from her.

I was appalled by that reason. I was absolutely bewildered by her audacity to say that. At the time, I was so hurt by her reasoning that I was like "Okay, thanks, I guess. I won't discuss this issue with you again." And left to my room because I didn't have the energy to yell at her.

Whatever she thought she did there didn't make me any more independent, but it sure as hell send a message that I can't rely on my own mother. 

As I write this down I realise how stupid she is. What a bitch move that was. It's like she was jumping through hoops on fire just to avoid saying "Sorry, I was wrong.". The AUDACITY!!!!

Anyway, yeah, that's enough or I'm gonna cry again. Thoughts? I'd really appreciate some comments on the situation (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)