Brother.

So I have an ex friend that I've known since we were 14. We were an online friendship though. He and I dated on and off for four years and now he's my precious brother. Except he blocked me twice in the past 3 years because of conflicting beliefs, which is also what caused me to break up with him for the final time. We didn't fight or anything, and he agreed, and I've fallen in love with someone else and gotten (happily) married since then, so now I don't have any romantic feelings for him. And, he's still my precious brother. Even if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, I do.

On discord, which is where we met, we've been in the same servers for years. I had assumed he still had me blocked, but I decided this year to start reconnecting with our old friend group. So far, a few people including brother have been chatting with me for the past few days. It surprised me though, because he had me blocked for a while. He congratulated me on my marriage and was having casual talks with me and everything, just like we used to.

Guys I'm like 100% sure we were meant to be besties because when I mean I get some kind of attention high when he messages or responds to me, I MEAN it.

And for a while I was worried my husband would get jealous or mistake me for cheating on him with my ex, but considering he knows how I care for my friends AND how much I am obsessed with the one man I put a ring on for, I think shouldn't worry. He knows about brother, I told him everything about him.

The only REAL issue is that last night, (or was it two nights ago?) he was in my dream again (that's how much I care about him) but we were a little TOO close for my liking. In the same vicinity as my husband, no less. My dream didn't tell me how he felt, but I am 100% sure it was very awkward. We were hugging and everything, cuddling while gaming on a GameCube in a very bright elementary-classroom-like environment.

The actual weird part is that I had a similar dream, in an opposite location (dark bedroom) with my husband and my BEST FRIEND. The guy one. I have two best friends.

I haven't told my husband about these dreams because I don't want to ruin his confidence or esteem. The last thing I want is for him to feel that way. He doesn't deserve it at all. I believe it's okay to keep stuff like this to yourself if it doesn't matter in the long run or if it doesn't really change anything.

Unless you're the type to breakup over someone just because they cheated on you in a dream, which is insanely stupid and idiotic.

Anyways.

I miss my brother and I wish he'd interact with me more. I have daydreams of my husband and I going to Europe and hanging with him and his brothers or even with our friend group and visiting countries traveling the world like we all wanted to when we were younger. It would be nice.