lemon demon ruined my life and ate my children

back in highschool, i could not go a day without seeing her. she was the one. all of my friends would tease me for how my knees would always go weak when she gave me those eyes. we were inseparable together, we had the same interests. we'd talk hours on the phone past our bedtimes, ridiculously whispering at eachother so our parents wouldn't hear. her mother was a drunkard, and from all of the stories she told me i'd even invite her over to sneak in through my window, sometimes i wished she would move in with me, yet my parents would definitely have not approved. i loved the way she twirled her hair when she talked to me, i loved the little gestures she did when she was excited, mad sad, everything about her worked sparks in my eyes. having her near me makes my insides leap for joy. sometimes shes aggressive, yet we talk about it and tells me that it isn't her motive to be that aggressive, and how shes terribly afraid of being like her mother. i would let her weep on my shoulder for hours and hours, i would like to give her as much as support as i can, i wouldn't want her to feel the way i felt before i met her. to be alone.

i've always dreamed of the day where we'd move away from this awful town and spend our days in a beach house with our 8 children, working grills on special days and kissing during the sunset while our children played in the sand. we'd cuddle in our bed for hours under the covers, i'd big spoon while she played with my hair. and the excessive amount of euphoria i felt when all of it came true, looking out into the sunset, with my wife in my arms holding our first child, was tremendous. it was like a big sea of emotions, that didn't splatter everywhere yet instead flowed through. i've always loved the ocean. the california sea, the waves would flutter to the rhythm of my wife's breathing.

12 years past, my beautiful baby girl is all grown, and so are the rest of my seven children. of course me and my wife loved them very much, yet there was always something off about them. well, maybe i'm just old but i would always hear this absolutely rancid music coming out of their bedroom doors, from all of them. oceanmymostbeautifulchildthatiamnotfavoriting, ocean #2, chrysanthemum, bartholomew, olivapeterson, , ocean #3, truckstop and even ralsei. from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep. from the time the week starts and from the time the week ends. from the time the year starts and the time the year ends. from the time they turn 10 years old from the time they all die. it was all when they turned 10. its like they've come to torture me. like they dont appreciate i put them into this world. if i put them into this world i can take them back out. they know that right? they should know that. im a good father. dont i deserve some clarity? shouldnt they know i expressly forbid this music? turn your techno music down. i repeat millions and millions of times. never acknowledged. they dont understand.

im so confused, disgusted and petrified by how all of my children with MY genes would listen to this absolutely ghastly nasty dastardly music to be played on full volume in MY house. the walls are all cracked because of it. i had came to consult my wife on a business trip about the situation, as she was the wisest person i knew. she told me to shut my mouth about it and let all of my children enjoy their interests, whether i liked it or not. i love her, she always gives me such immense epiphanies for the greatest reasons. but i decided to doubt her at the time, there wasn't anything inherently wrong with the music, yet i had always been an empath my whole life.

i had doubted, but i never acted. and right then and there i saw their blood splattered all over the walls. i didnt react. mostly because i didnt care but also because i knew what caused it all. i went into truckstop's room and saw this 'lemon demon' playlist being played on his phone. then i saw it in the corner of his room chewing on ocean's arm. fueled with rage, i didnt kill it but instead i wrote this entry for attention. 

you know what. fine. im a fraud. i never loved my wife. i never loved my children. everyone is just my distraction to make life go faster. i never cared about anyone at all in my life. what is there to care about anyway? nothing. people should die. 

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