Simple Stuff. Important Stuff.

It's Been A While...Again

about four months to be exact, which is...honestly less than I thought. It felt longer since I have last written any blog posts here. 

Whatever, though. It is winter, which means that I have more time to waste at work than I usually do. 

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Party. Party? Party!

Christmas Party, to be exact. My workplace throws one tomorrow, just like every year. And just like every year, it has a theme. This time it's "Space Christmas", so I have chosen to dress up as some sort of a "Space Reindeer". Not that creative, I know.

For the longest time our christmas party has been notorious for being "unhinged", basically complete escalation, drama and gossip unfolding in real time. Mainly because these festivities have been synonymous with copious amounts of alcohol. 

ThIS TIME, however, it so happens that a ban on excessive consumption has been cast upon us. Why, you ask?

Funny story, actually. 

Well, not so funny as it was happening, but incredibly funny in hindsight.

A few months back, after a project of MY OWN TEAM, a few of my colleagues (including some very new trainees) were meeting up in our venue for some sort of after-work get together or something. Happens sometimes, nothing unusual here. 

Fast forward some days and I am back at work from some time off after the Project, I had overtime to balance out after all, and everyone is suddenly extremely uptight and..."nervous" (?). I ask around trying to find out what the fuck happened but NO ONE is willing to tell. I felt like I'm being pranked, no joke. 

However in such a social job, as well as such a close knit team, things are bound to come out and so I slowly gathered breadcrumbs of info to peace together the whole story. 

Turns out the whole group who stayed behind after my team left the venue got stupidly drunk AND high and then proceeded to pursue the GREAT idea to take the company car and

d r i f t  a r o u n d  t h e  v e n u e. 

At this point you gotta know that we aren't the only ones on the premises here. There is a billiard club pretty much right next door, and there are a lot of cars parking around here. PLUS, as luck would have it, that day a friend-family of one of our bosses was resting in their camper bus here on that day. 

On top of that, these dumbasses also climbed on our venue roof being loud and all. 

So all of this would not even have had any consequences if it wouldn't be for people hearing them, recording it and actually calling the police. So of course the highest instance you could think of caught wind of it...as well as the city...who actually owns our whole company and funds our existence. 

AND EVEN THAT would not have been such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that we were already almost closing down, the city and our boss lady having fought bureaucratic wars against each other which ultimately, luckily, resulted in the city council buying our premises and letting us stay....for now.

Now with that background knowledge you can imagine how unbelievably disrespectful and unthankful this whole ordeal must have looked to both parties. 

Long story short all participants were forced to apologize in front of the whole company á la public humiliation style, on stage with microphones and all. And the whole house is now forbidden to drink anything other than lightly alcoholic drinks at work...one of most embarrassing things I have ever witnessed not gonna lie. We almost got a strict alcohol ban but that seemed to unrealistic even for our boss, lol. 

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Ew Men

the more dudes I have started to interact with over the last two years or so (which I am still not used to considering I never got any male attention at all before that) the more I have seriously stared to dislike men. Even more so than I already did. 

How did I come to that conclusion? You might ask yourself. Simply put: Instagram reels. More specifically the "Friends" page, where you can see a "curated" collection of Reels which your mutuals left a like on. 

This damn feature has downright destroyed any hope I had for "good men". Because even the nicest dudes I have met and am now following on that platform are liking the most SHALLOW and STEREOTYPICAL shit ever. 

In person and in conversations its all "feminism" this and "social justice advocate" that but then they proceed to like the most typical instagram/Only Fans model content there is....especially the "omg goth mommy pls step on me" variant which, quite frankly, just gives me the biggest ick.

I know I sound like the biggest fucking Femcel here, as I do often. But rest assured I do not hate all men, it's just that my distaste for most of them is steadily growing exactly because of hypocritical behavior like such. 

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The Road(trip) Of The Past

was bad, btw. Absolutely horrible. Never felt this shitty on a "vacation" as this, and you can bet your ass I will never step into a car for that long with that one friend of mine ever again. 

I have never felt so ignored, belittled and unseen in a confined space such as her mini cooper. 

I have been talked over, not listened to, left behind and ignored as well as bitched to almost the whole fucking time. Everything had to revolve around my friend and her "demise". 

She CONSTANTLY complained about being the driver...which SHE CHOSE TO BE. She knew fully well how much and how long she needed to drive. And no matter what I did, I did it wrong, or not fast enough, or not to her liking. So I was CONSTANTLY berated.

And our guy friend, whom I mentioned before in a blog post, somehow grew incredibly uncomfortable around me???? even though I did literally NOTHING??? Like, no joke he didn't talk to me, almost at all. When our group reunited after being apart for two days or so (he went hiking, we drove further down to Italy), I said "nice to see you again" to which he only replied "oh, okay" 

???????

When he had something to show on his phone, he talked in our general direction. But then turned around to our driver friend saying something like "here i have to show you something...er, you too" 

Oh, ok, cool thanks for literally forgetting I am here in the same room with the both of you. 

Important to note here that he WASN'T like that before the trip. We even met up quite a bit.

Our driver friend also constantly felt the need to "correct" me on anything I would say, as little as I even talked in the first place. Or one up me in literally anything I mentioned about myself. I am so serious, it has been YEARS since an experience or people have managed to rival the functionality of my antidepressants but they did it. In less than two weeks time. 

I was VISIBLY, seconds away from a breakdown at the end. NONE of them even said anything, NONE of them even asked if I was alright. NONE of them checked up on me at all.

And before anyone comes along saying "well they aren't mind readers" You did NOT need to be one to fucking read my body language and demeanor. I could not even muster to look at any of them, for the last two days or so, I didn't talk at all, didn't reply, didn't even say goodbye after her fuck ass boyfriend drove us home. (because of course she demanded we drive to him first because she just "couldn't stand being away from him any longer" even though that was such a huge damn detour after 6 to 8 god damn hours of driving already).

Horrible. Truly horrible. The only good thing I got out of this nightmarish trip was 

1. A pair of necklaces I got my BFF and I, which are matching and I am wearing pretty much every day now.

2. two silver rings with set in stones which I am also wearing pretty often.

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New Year, Same Old Shit

I don't think much will miraculously happen next year, at least in the grand scheme of things. It's been like that this year too, and the one before that, and the one before even that. 

Things will continue to go down the drain, life will continue to move on, time will continue to pass. So I'm no big fan or believer of new years resolutions. I think it's much better to just move on with an open mind and open arms for life's chances or lessons to hit. besides, I don't even like thinking that far into the future, for as long as possible, I'd like to just think about tomorrow (or maybe next week at most). 

About what will be in my advent calendar tomorrow (my coworker and I made one for each other, which I found cute).

Or about how I am finally at my moms place again next week. 

Or how I am going to spend new years with my BFF.

Or how I might start visiting the local public pool to start swimming as a hobby.

Stuff like that.

Simple Stuff.

Important Stuff.