Finality of the Present

I’ve always had thoughts of ending my own life, but they only arose when I was in bed getting ready to fall asleep for the night. Recently, though, the day-dreaming has popped up in everyday life. At work I’d imagine slamming the dish machine over my neck until it severed my carotid artery, or slicing myself with one of the chef knives. This is an odd advancement to me, as I’ve never had these fantasies during school or at previous jobs. I use to take walks and imagine which tree I was going to hang myself from.