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hey so I have a bsf who i known for about a year now.
I had feelings for him since December of last year, we kissed and cuddled, we connected pretty well; we both went through similar traumatic childhood, relationships and more. and wanting very similar things in regards of partners that really seemed like we be perfect for each other.
but then he some point said that he isn't ready for a relationship and doesn't want to ruin what we have so things didn't go as I hoped but respected his wishes. few months later he did went back to his toxic ex despite my expressed concerns but was ignored.
anyway, to now I honestly not sure how I can lose these romantic feelings, it's causing me a lot of anxiety and sadness. especially when he is now in a different relationship and it saddens me seeing him be mistreated sometimes but I have nothing much to do due to his deepen love for his bf.
few nights ago they had an argument that could've ended, and my bsf was texting me crying that he thinks no one will ever love him as much as he does for others. reading that makes me feel.. idk how to describe it, a little depressed?
I loved him so dearly, I loved taking care of him while he was in such vulnerable states, I loved seeing his smile and laugh, I love tending to him when he needs someone to be there and understood through and through. I love his eyes, always reminding me of pretty blue stars in the night sky when we go out on late night walks together. there is so much more I love about him, I accept everything about him and cherish every time we able to spend quality time together.
I try my best to not let my ridiculous emotions get in the way whenever he is with his bf and other people because I should be just happy for him, regardless.
an issue I have is yeah these romantic feelings I have for him, it's not too much of an issue but I don't wanna feel this anymore and just love him as a friend should (?), and move on completely. plus not feel so anxiously attached to him
(so sorry for long text, ngl i'm not feeling great but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, and my bad if some parts are confusing haha)
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𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐬
A long time ago I was in a relationship with someone who told me they weren't ready for one. That shit sucks to hear but of course, you have to respect that. I waited until I was given the opportunity to actually see them but in the end it was not a fun experience. There were things that made it obvious that pursuing wasn't the best move on my end. I felt unfulfilled for a long time, things just felt off occasionally and I bottled that stuff up for a long time, this ultimately backfired in the end when my bottled up feelings simply didn't want to be bottled up anymore and things did not end well for us. It's obvious you care about this person a lot but in my case, pursuing someone who wasn't ready (even after they said they were) was not a decision I remember fondly. Now, for me it's different, don't let my shitty naive experience discourage how you feel about someone. What helped me move on from old feelings was to just look at the bigger picture of everything and determined if all that I did was something I would look fondly on in a few years (There was other shit that made me come to this conclusion, not just this isolated thought). Also I'm terribly sorry for replying to such an old blog, I was just browsing and happened to come across it and it felt a little bit familiar to me.
Sonny
Feelings and relationahips are hella complicated but from an outside pov you really love him! I say just to confess and see from there since yall even kissed