Purity culture made me unattracted to men

I grew up with crazy religious strict parents that I still live with who don’t even allow things like shorts and only until maybe two years ago did I start wearing tank tops without being shamed for it. My 12 year old sister had on such a cute outfit before going to Walmart with her and my mom said “are you looking for a husband? Why aren’t you dressing appropriately for the weather? It’s all so sick and twisted. 

I never once thought of a man when dressing up in an outfit and yet she always brings it up and makes me feel disgusting. My family also talks about how I’m going to get married after university which completely demotivated me for studying and I almost failed a class because of how bad it got. They think of me as something to give away not as an individual. They are raising me in a role not as a human being. I never felt seen or heard. 

Going through all this brainwashing and so much harsher stuff I’m not going to list everything but it honestly gets pretty bad, a man is the last thing I want and I feel physically sick thinking of myself with a husband. I only dated one guy (in secret) and he ended up cheating on me with 3 girls which just made it even clearer to me that I honestly don’t really care for being with a man in the future they just do stuff like this anyways. And don’t try to pull “oh not all of them are bad” I don’t even care I don’t even want a good one. Like honestly if I can make my own money and afford the basics, I’d be so much happier that I’ll finally be free. I never wanted children either my younger siblings are 6 and 16 years younger than me so I’ve always been around children and I don’t want to bring that into my adulthood. I’d rather leave it behind.