Bullying sucks

I'm so tired. I just want to live happily. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to be at least the tiniest bit open-minded. I'm tired of being used for entertainment, tired of constantly being pointed and laughed at because of something I can't control. People throw things at me, take pictures of me, all because I like to have fun. I'm not hurting anybody. I wear color, I'm autistic, I'm an artist, I don't consume mainstream media. Apparently, that's all it takes to be a target. It's not my fault how I turned out. I don't want to not be myself anymore. I've been hiding my true self for so many years; I'm only now rediscovering who I am. But I'm being bullied just like I was before. And people wonder why I'm scared to talk. People will never accept me where I live. With how America is becoming these days, I don't think there's hope for me. I've done all I can to keep real friends, but the friend I have- I keep secrets from because I don't know what they'd think of me. I don't want to be hurt even more than I already am. To make it worse, I have terrible anger issues. That makes me an even bigger target. It's become such a trend to bully people and drive them insane. In the past, I've made plenty of plans to take my own life because of how bad it is. Luckily, I'm doing better. But it still hurts. I want to get out of this. People tell me to ignore it. How the hell do I ignore that? People want to hurt me. People want me dead. That's why I'm not social. My brain doesn't function the same way others' brains do; I can't have a regular conversation without messing up. I'm terrified of people, now. People hate me for it when they're the reason I'm scared of living in the first place. I'm always doing something wrong. I don't like the right things, I don't wear the right clothes, I don't walk right, talk right, breathe right, everything I do is made fun of. I'm not joking- I've had people critique my breathing. I'm different, whatever. But I don't deserve to be publicly executed like people say I do. It's only minor things. It's not only the bullies; the current US government is terrifying as of late. I want to live peacefully. I want to worry about schoolwork, not the gun the government has pointed at my head. And I'm sick of hearing "hurt people hurt people"- I've faced several hardships in my life, but I don't go around making people feel the same way I do. I want everybody to get along. But people will always be at each other's throats for something, no matter how minor. I want to try to make people understand, but I can never explain myself. I come off as sensitive and violent. So, I have to sit down and take it. It'll only be a matter of time before I completely lash out and hurt someone or myself. I don't want to hurt anybody, but jerks make me so mad.