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This is my first blog post on here and I’m already complaining LMAO whoops okay here goes
So i have AuDHD (I’m undiagnosed due to personal reasons, but I’m like 98% sure and have been doing research on it for over 4 years) and i have been very hesitant to talk about my struggles with my family just because they have a really different view on things like this, but generally they are extremely accepting and helpful of who i am and what i identify with, so i figured eh ok wouldn’t hurt to try and talk to them about this
(Side note, when i say “my family” I’m mainly talking about my mom and my brother. My dad is usually quite agreeable when it comes to topics like this, so I’m just generalizing for lack of a more convenient term)
Anyway, before i figured out the Au part of AuDHD (autism) i thought i just had ADHD but then i started to research on autism and i was like “wait am i autistic” (not knowing the two can co-exist and it happens QUITE often) so then i started doing research on AuDHD and, yep. Pretty much just described myself perfectly.
I’m still learning about autism and ADHD to this day, mainly because i enjoy doing research about disorders like this but once again, I’m almost positive i have both.
Anyway i started to voice my struggles with not just dealing with ADHD, which my family already knew about and was quite receptive to accommodate and respect, but the second i realized i might have AuDHD, they were quite suspicious, saying things like “well you don’t display symptoms like that” or just generally doubting me, when I’ve been preaching from the high heavens for months talking about how i know myself better than anyone else, and doing research on things i have struggles with helps me to better navigate and understand it.
Anyway horsecockery aside my mom has definitely gotten to be more accepting of this whole AuDHD thing, with being receptive to my experiences and how i live my life everyday
But HOLY SHIT my brother has made this hard for me.
Like he literally does not believe a goddamn word that comes out of my mouth when i try to voice my struggles and feelings with what i deal with pretty much every day.
He doesn’t really respect my story, he tries to claim I’m just “making things up” and that it annoys him every time i try to claim I have AuDHD, when he knows NOTHING about either disorders.
He has seen firsthand all the symptoms i display of either disorder, and yet he still doesn’t understand it and just tries to claim they’re “just personality traits”.
He sometimes purposefully sets off my sensory issues, gets upset with me when i unmask (which is not always because we’re both pretty fucking crazy so when i unmask he usually just matches my energy) and has gotten mad at me for not acting in a certain way, like apparently he just expects me to be some fucking mind reader??
He once got pissed and stormed off when i under-reacted at something he thought i would have a bigger reaction at (which was literally just connecting my hyperfixation back to some show he was watching) as if I’m supposed to pick up on when I’m supposed to have a big reaction to things??? I pointed it out to him and said “i didn’t know that you wanted me to be so excited” and he was like “you can just expect me to never be upset when you get excited over things i tell you”
But like that’s not EVEN THE PROBLEM 😭 sometimes i under-react or don’t emote with my face because it’s physically draining to act in a way that’s not how i naturally want to react. It’s not easy for me to be so animated like a lot of people usually are. So if he wants me to strike my brow and start shedding tears every time he tells me at least ONE sliver of good news, I’m sorry but that is so draining for me.
Anyway i was talking to my boyfriend about this when it happened and he seemed genuinely concerned and told me that this is a form of ableism and I’m unsure if it actually is so here i am asking a bunch of internet strangers if this seems like ableism or if my brother is just ignorant :3 sorry if I yapped too much this is just really bothering me :((
Comments
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Arik Ozotf
Getting invalidated for your disability does sound pretty ableist
I've seen one crowd say a diagnosis is useful if you (1) absolutely need it to understand yourself or (2) need accommodations at your workplace. I've seen the other crowd say that (1) revealing their diagnosis subject them to pain that could've been avoided if they didn't have an official diagnosis or (2) it's very expensive and difficult to find a good assessment if you're an adult.
Personally, I think that looking for symptom-based strategies is better than getting diagnosed and finding a therapist, but that's just my opinion based off of my life. I don't know yours.
by Arik Ozotf; ; Report
I actually agree with this, and I’ve been operatic based off of a symptomatic point of view instead of thinking “i just need to get a diagnosis and I’ll be smooth sailing from there.” Especially since it’s extremely difficult and expensive to actually go through a diagnosis for either ADHD or autism (so I’ve heard) and very often people get misdiagnosed. So i agree
by bassman08; ; Report
Dandy Leon (彈帝獅)
Look, a diagnosis might not actually help you. I've talked with a lot of people with experiences of their diagnoses of autism, ADHD, etc. and many of them described being mistreated by family and peers with the mistreatment getting far worse once their conditions became known. I'm talking things like this guy whose mom would start arguments in public with him and then loudly blurt out to everyone to not listen to him because he has autism. Others have told me that they've also been shamed by family for being on Social Security and sarcastically asked why they don't have jobs yet.
Sorry to be a downer, but unfortunately, I think the best thing you have to look forward to is going no-contact with your dysfunctional family in the future.
I might’ve not made it very clear, but my family is far from dysfunctional when it comes to accommodating me and my needs in terms of my disability. My family would never do anything to purposefully put me in harms way—physically or mentally—and most of my problems have been with my brother, which I have expressed to him. I definitely see where you are coming from and i appreciate the insight, but i probably made my family dynamic seem a lot more unhealthy than it actually is in the post, and that’s my mistake!
by bassman08; ; Report